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By Merioneth
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14 April 2008 |
I suppose I'm a little scatterbrained. Thought the poem had to be about bees. Silly me, must learn to pay more careful attention! Since I wrote it, though, I figured I might as well post it. Josie's take on bees is a lot different from my little poem, which is decidedly more cynical. Wonder what that says about me?
So much depends
upon
gold and black
little
creatures who
sting you
if you disturb
their work |
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 14th April 2008 | | Hello Merioneth. I chose bees, yes, because we are told that their existence is so important to mankind, but others have chosen different things. You did very well I think with your syllabic counting. Well done. As you like bees so much, go and see the two children's poems I have written about bees in the children's section. They're going into a book this summer. | Josie's challenge
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 14th April 2008 | Hello Merioneth - yes, I agree with Josie, the syllabic counting is excellent. It's almost a 'Haiku' - forgive me if that was already your intention!
Compare Ezra Pound's famous 'In a Station of the Metro'
'The apparition of these faces in the crowd:
Petals on a wet, black bough.'
Yours is rhythmically similar - keep it up! X |
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