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Poetry


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The Right

By meadowcroft1964

16 April 2008

hello please tell me your views on my work
i am very new to writing and would be gratefull for all feed back

The Right

They said i had no right
for her love i must fight
a love she couldn't share
all the ridicule we were made to bare
constantly punished for her sin
the simple lack of a wedding ring

The heavy price they made her pay
she endured every day
her dreams were to be no more
they were crumpled to the core
from her heart all hope was torn
by the fact that i was born

In her life she had no choises
she knew no other way to be
you could say that she was brainwashed
i wasn't going to let them do that to me
i would not let them break me
i would let them see
i had gods love beside me and thats what kept me free

As i got older and they could no longer put me down
fear took them over and they didnt want me around
life had made me stronger and i knew right from wrong
so with intimidation and violence they must see me gone
she didnt defend me ,she broke all the ties, she didnt believe me, she could see through all there lies

I lost the battle, i lost the war,
i lost the love and so much more.
The gold and sovereigns they can keep
with their conscious they must sleep
all i want and i must insist
is the acknowledgement that i do
E X I S T

Reviews

Hello
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 16th April 2008

I like this, its so interesting. I'm trying to work out what exactly it is about though. Hmm is the woman in this the narrator's mother? its as if his birth has brought shame on to the family or something, he's brought up by her but he feels rejected, the family have no love for him. All her hopes of a life shattered by the birth, presumably out of wedlock. Eventually he becomes too old for them to grind down and they abandon him altogether. Maybe I'm sniffing about the wrong area though.
Overall I liked it though, you really got a sense of the narrator's angst and emotion, that was displayed clearly. A poem of isolation, rejection and despair, this is a very good effort.
Nice one!

mr soul
Written by meadowcroft1964 (112 comments posted) 18th April 2008

thanks for the review i am glad you found my poem interesting and yes you were right its about my relationship with my mother and family wrote shortly after her death. I would appricate any further comments

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