There's no fool like an old fool.
CRUSH
If I were sixteen, you would call it a crush,
but what is a crush, but a love that’s unspoken?
The passion’s realistic, the heartskip, the blush;
I am sleepless, and speechless, and lovesick, and broken.
Is it more than a game? Do you know what you’re doing?
When we meet, just as friends, is it plain on my face?
You whisper your secrets and leave me in ruin,
brush a lash from my cheek and I’m spinning in space.
This is solely a pure and a selfless obsession,
wanting nought for myself, but to give what is due
to my godhead made flesh. I would make my confession
with lips, tongue and fingers, in worship of you.
Do I suffer alone, or could you share this hunger?
Could we smash up our lives, for some transient high?
The truth is - no, never - for you, being younger
are more prudent, more circumspect, wiser than I.
|
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | | "This is solely a pure and a selfless obsession," - This seems to say what you really feel about such a pointless relationship, when you have a happy marriage. "Could we smash up our lives, for some transient high?" I think you have the answer. If someone doesn't mind breaking up someone else's marriage, they wouldn't hesitate to flirt with someone else later, when with you, also. That's the nature of their game. For some people it is just a game. Give him a miss is my advice. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (626 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | | Josie - you are so literal!!! | Superb!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | I love this, Veronica! Beautifully rythmical and scans perfectly. And what lines! 'Brush a lash from my cheek and I'm spinning in space' - to die for!
I like your response to Josie - a poem is a poem, and I don't even know if you're married, but if you are I doubt very much whether you are literally contemplating smashing up your marriage for some 'transient high', another great line.
Well, I hope not anyway! Cheers! John |
Written by Brett (781 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | '...my godhead made flesh.' What a wonderful phrase.
I think this very perceptive, and the title can be read in more ways than one.
Another nice one, V.
Cheers |
Written by philkent (157 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | Veronica, lovely words and imagery going on here. Not sure whether this alludes to love of the unrequited kind or the despised kind but it suits either.
We've all been there in one form or another so it's very resonant. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | Very nicely written. Annoying, such situations eh? Yet probably a good inspiration for classics, for both Cyrano de Bergerac and Elinor Dashwood were in such positions.
"You whisper your secrets and leave me in ruin"
Is by far the most brilliant line I think, as it subtly summarizes the whole piece. |
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | This is such a well written poem. Each time I read it, I notice another great line.
The young man is wiser than most. How quaint! The woman feels his strength. With that she can continue to function and let the crush goes through its course.
 Nice writing and loved the juxtaposition. | doing/ruin
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | I believe that most people of a mature age would relate to this poem as they have felt the enticement of the dangerous liaison, despite high moral denial.
There is a real poignancy to be felt in it as the running rhythm, the lilt, the wholefeel of the poem is dizzying.
And that poignancy is, as happens so often in such situations, is disguised under a kind of flippancy that so captures that time and its rollercoaster emotions. There is real humour in the second stanza; the | wrong button again !!
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | doing / ruin was to be italicised, but I hit thepost button instead of returning to the review! So, to carry on
The last line of that stanza adds to that humour as well. It is not, of course gallows humour as some posted works are, but this attempt to toss away something so poignant under the disguise of a wryly humorous approach touches me deeply-- it is so much a part of the human condition that it requires no explanation or apology.
It feels sincere in both aspects -- the primary feeling and the --yes-- flippant, almost adolescent, overstatement does not detract. That fourth line of stanza 1 says it all !
sorry about this serialised review !
patterjack
| Gosh!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 19th April 2008 | Gosh - the above reviews are utterly to the point, and very well deserved. I too think the phrase 'godhead made flesh' is a brilliancy. Looking forward to more from your good self! Cheers! John. X
PS Do you know Dory Previn's viciously jealous album 'Mythical Kings and Iguanas', written for / against the odious conductor Andre Previn, with the disturbingly moving song 'Lemon-haired Ladies' abouthis affair with Mia Farrow?
Sorry, but your poem brought it back to me! Details on request!
Ho! Respect from John . . . X |
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | | delightful - catches that obsession perfectly and with such elegance. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (626 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Thanks all, glad you liked it, and it was interesting to see that you each picked out diffrent phrases that resonated with you. "Godhead made flesh" was a late substitution and I thought I might have overdone it.
John - I will try to find the Dory Previn song, thanks.
Now, patterjack, my sternest critic - have I put enough passion into my poetry yet, or am I still being coolly observational?
*stands with hands on hips, looking strangely defiant*. |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Just about all said - and far more eloquently than I could muster.
So, a brief: liked this very much, Veronica. With the above on just about everything. Very neat ending : or you, being younger
are more prudent, more circumspect, wiser than I.
It's normally advancing years that lowers the likelihood of risks being taken - but a good twist here that the younger of the two shows restraint.
Phil |
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