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(Alive)

Two men are stuck on a deserted island after their boat crashes.

James: Okay, Bob, it’s time.

Bob: Time for what?

James: How do I break this to you gently? I’m going to eat you.

Bob: What, why?

James: We have no food.

Bob: There’s plenty of food.

James: Where?

Bob: We could fish.

James: Are you kidding me?

Bob: No.

James: What happens if I’m in the middle of the water and a shark attacks me.

Bob: What about coconuts, there plenty on that Palm Tree.

James: I don’t think so. What happens if I climb up, and then fall and break my neck. Look Bob, trust me, this way is much easier.

Bob: I. . .

James: Would you just stop complaining. Turn around, pull your pants down, and let me sink my teeth into your butt cheeks.

Bob: Do I have to?

James: Yes, Bob. I’m hungry.

Bob: I don’t know why, I’m letting you do this.

James: Because your weak.

As Bob pulls his pants down and bends over. A family walks in on them.

Kid 1: Daddy, what’s that man doing?

Father: Don’t look kids!

Bob: I thought you said we were stranded.

As Bob, turns around to look at James. James takes off running.

-The End-

(Karma)

Two Mexicans gardeners, are working hard on a summers day. As there employer a white male comes walking up, just to yell at them.

White Guy: HEY! I’m not paying you to kick back. I’m paying you to work.

George: Yes sir.

White Guy: Oh, and don’t try to steal anything from my lawn. I have three garden gnomes, I expected to have the same amount when I get back.

George: Yes sir.

The Employer walks away.

Jose: Jesus, how can you stand there and just take his crap.

George: His wife is pregnant.

Jose: And?

George: Let’s just say, in eight months he’s going to get a tan bundle of joy.

Both men chuckle.

-The End-

( Don’t get Anal )

A couple sits in bed watching T.V

Boyfriend: Babe, you love me right?

Girlfriend: Of course dear. You’re my man.

BF: And you would do anything for me, right?

GF: Without thinking twice.

BF: Let’s have anal sex.

GF: of course... What?

BF: What?

GF: What did you just say?

BF: I didn’t say anything.

GF: Yes you did.

BF: Did not.

GF: yes you did.

BF: What did I say?

GF: Let’s have anal sex.

BF: Okay, if you want to. Just need you to turn over.

GF: I will not!

BF: Babe, I just don’t get you sometimes. First you want anal, and now you don’t.

GF: I never wanted anal sex.

BF: You just said you did, a second ago.

GF: No, you said it.

BF: What did I say?

GF: Let’s have anal sex.

BF: Okay, turn over babe.

GF: No, you just stop it. We are not having anal sex.

BF: Okay.

The Boyfriend turns off the T.V.

BF: Let’s just drop this issue, and go to sleep.

GF: Thank you baby. I’m glad you understand.

BF: Now, why doesn’t my heavy sleeper catch some Z’s.

GF: Okay babe I will.... Wait a minute!

BF: What?

GF: You’re going to ass fuck me, when I’m asleep.

BF: Baby, I would never do anything like that.

GF: Oh yeah?

BF: I swear.

GF: Swear on your new car.

BF: My new car?

GF: That’s right. If your telling the truth, then you have nothing to fear.

BF: You wouldn’t have felt anything.

GF: You are a disgusting little freak. I’m leaving.

BF: Honey please don’t go. I promise, I will drop the anal fantasy.

GF: You promise?

BF: I promise.

GF: Good.

BF: Now, let me fix us some drinks. We could both use them.

GF: That sounds good.

BF: I’ll be right back.

BF leave, then returns with only one drink in his hand.

BF: I’m back.

GF: Yay.

BF: Here we are.

The BF hands the drink to her.

GF: Thank you baby.

BF: Drink up.

GF: Where’s your drink?

BF: I already finished it.

GF: Oh.

The GF has the drink to her lips, when it hits her. Something is inside this drink.

GF: You sick fucker.

BF: What?

GF: You drugged this drink.

BF: How can you say that?

GF: You drink it.

BF: It’s nothing strong. Just a little something to keep you out for six hours.

GF: I’m out of here.

The GF hands the drink to him, and storms out.

BF: There’s only one thing a man can do at a time like this. And that’s call his best friend.

BF reaches for the phone, and calls his friend.

BF: Hey Paul, it’s me. I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a drink?

- The End -