OK, there's far too much misery and death on this website. In the immortal words of Monty Python: "I'm not dead yet". And apologies to the Shade of Dylan Thomas.
VILLANELLE FOR MIDDLE AGE.
Please go laughing into that golden afternoon
The best part of the day is yet to use
Dance, sing against the gathering of the gloom.
The blossom of the morn has had its bloom
Now fruit is ripe to pluck, it will not bruise
Please go laughing into that golden afternoon.
The dusk will fall, and candles light so soon
Good company, good food and plenteous booze
Dance, sing against the gathering of the gloom.
Who knows how long the band will play its tune?
We may stay up till dawn, with good excuse
Please go laughing into that golden afternoon.
And love's still sweet beneath a waning moon
Let passion with experience infuse
Dance, sing against the gathering of the gloom.
Let's tell of blood that's red, not of the tomb.
Of life, and friends, and pleasures that we choose
Please go laughing into that golden afternoon
Dance, sing, against the gathering of the gloom.
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excellent ...
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | ... use of a difficult form . And I have to agree with the sentiments -- they look so good from this end of the age scale !
There are always some difficulties in chasing rhymes and fitting them to syntax -- but you have done a good job .
patterjack | Superb!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | I thoroughly agree with patterjack's comments above.
To write with such seeming ease under the strict constraints of this demanding form is an achievement indeed! I wonder how long it took you? Anyway, I love it.
Cheers! John. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Not sure about the sentiment...
There's an underlying sense, accentuated by the form - with it's repetition of 'gloom', of pleading and denial.
'Let's get drunk and try and forget we're impermanent'. Middle age is the golden afternoon, full of experience and passion and ripe fruit, but just around the corner is....
It seems to be a slightly desperate fight against the 'gathering' 'gloom', rather than something to look forward to or calmly accept.
Sorry to cast a downer on it! |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | | Well, Nathan, the end of the day is always ahead of us somewhere, that is the poignancy of the human condition. However, there may still be some fun to be had before we turn up our toes completely. Maybe even some wild abandon... |
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | | Veronica, the structure of your poem is good, but the sentiments expressed are not. I am a generation ahead of you and would not want to change my life in any way. What on earth is there to be gloomy about? I would have to sit and think for a month to think of one thing. Do your parents feel gloomy or feel they are living in "gloom" as you put it? I do not know of another person, even those older than I am, who feel as you say. As for death - there is more to fear in this world than in the next. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Yeah, I'm up for some wild abandon!
I guess what I was suggesting is that 'gloom' is only one interpretation of old age/death, but it's the one you chose to reinforce, and by doing so - coloured the good qualities of ageing with an underlying darkness, and possibly, fear.
But, that is, as you said, the 'poignancy of the human condition'.
None of this detracts from a very well written piece.
Cheers! |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Josie, your usual bucket of cold water!
If you read it again, you may see that I am the one exhorting people not to go into the gloom. I'm protesting against poems here about suicide and death. when there is so much to cram in before we go!
My parents are long dead, and went willingly into the gloom without a murmur. They lived their lives in gloom, for the most part, and hardly had a minute's fun in their lives. |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | I always wondered about the point of villanelles. Thery're probably damnedably difficult to write and often appear a little clumsy in delivery. However - this is one of the few I've read where the form gives life to the words rather than strangle them to the point of suffocation where all I notice is the form and no words. All this is a long winded way of saying top marks on utilising a usually duff format.
As for the 'message.' I took it as far more positive than some of the above.
Liked very much.
Phil
| Ah well
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | | No cold water intended Veronica, and I am so glad that you have explained it so well. The people who are gloomy about old age, were also probably gloomy when they were 20, for it has more to do with the person than the age I think. Also, it seems that age also relates to frame of mind because, teaching people in their late teens upwards, I met many people who I would class "old" by their outlook on life in this age group. I totally agree with what you have just said in your comment, and don't think I pour cold water on your sentiments then. ha ha. Put it this way: it is the same person with the same mind who is inside the body at the age of 20 who still remains there at the age of 80 or 100 even. The personality doesn't change - only the physical body. What is so nice in life is that animals and children never even think of your age. They like the person for the person they are - and that's why I love children and animals. They accept you as you are and rush up to you and show their love in such a wonderful way. |
Written by Lizzy (783 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Veronica I cannot comment on the form of the poem other than to say it flows well however I do agree with its sentiments and agree wholeheartedly that we should enjoy and appreciate what we have. Thanks for reminding us of that!
Lizzy | Yes, Josie!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 20th April 2008 | Yes, Josie, I totally agree! And well done to Veronica! It's all to do with one's fundamental attitude. This reminds me of the awesome Eastern 'parable' about the two men who are travelling from one city to another and meet a wise man sitting at the side of the road. Do you know it?
'What will the next city be like?' the first traveller asks the sage.
'Well, what was the last place like?' asks the sage.
'Terrible! The people were odious and mean.'
'Then you will hate the next city, and never find peace and happiness.' says the wise man.
The second traveller comes along and asks the sage the same question, and the sage replies with the same question, as above.
'Wonderful!' says the second traveller, 'I could not bear to leave, but I've had to move on to find work - the people were welcoming and friendly and I found great joy amongst them!'
'Well,' says the sage, 'The next city will be just as good, and you will find peace and happiness again!'
Sorry to be slightly off-topic, but I think there's so much humbling truth in that simple story.
I'm now off to try a villanelle . . . X |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 21st April 2008 | I was going to say something similar to Phil. but I wouldn't have said it so succinctly.
When someone chooses a strict structure to work in I often wonder what comes first; the content or the format and often it's the content that suffers but you have managed to express the content so eloquently and the format here only serves to enhance it rather than strangle it, as Phil says.
When the two work together I must admit it does make for something special.
I will say I found the content bitter/sweet rather than uplifting but I'm afraid you cannot control how people will react to a work.Perhaps it is me, perhaps there was more there than you knew. Doesn't matter, I loved it anyway
Jane |
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