Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > And a Villanelle for Life
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 3135 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
And a Villanelle for Life
By Katanga
20 April 2008

Phew! This was hard work, but such fun! Anyone reading this should see the previous great 'villanelles' by Brett, Veronica and fellpony . . . For the ultimate, see Dylan Thomas's 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night', which I guess sparked this whole thing off . . . I owe the key line to a dear friend of mine, Keith, who suddenly announced over dinner last night that 'Death is a day that has no dawn.' He kindly gave me his permission to use it here . . . I am angry at my own rythmical clumsiness, but hope you get something from it? Cheers! John X 



Death Brings Mourning

 

As Birth brings morning to those still unborn

Childhood sings and is endlessly strong

Death is the day that has no dawn

 

Youth rises up when allegiance is sworn

Don’t wait to be adult – it won’t be long

As Birth brings morning to those still unborn

 

Adulthood comes when our souls must be torn

Between all that is right and all that is wrong

Death is the day that has no dawn

 

Middle age hits us when dreams are outworn

The ideals of youth no longer belong

As Birth brings morning to those still unborn

 

Old age brings a frailty that leaves us forlorn

What’s his name? It’s on the tip of my tongue

Death is the day that has no dawn

 

Now my Love comes dripping dew through the corn

Filling my life with her daybreak song

As Birth brings morning to those still unborn

Death is the day that has no dawn

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th April 2008
This seems slightly different in structure to the previous two I've read today. However- as I'm not a poet - just an occasional verser - I'll leave those in the know to comment on that. 
 
Other than: Now my Love comes dripping dew through the corn - where I missed the relevance of corn, I thought this worked well. More death, but positive with it! 
 
Phil

Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 20th April 2008
I would change just one thing - the first word And to "As" perhaps would add strength by balancing the two opposing statements in the repeated lines.  
 
Villanelles are very hard to manage because the repeated lines need to be statements in their own right yet able to link with other lines in a coherent manner. If this is your first try at this form, it's a very good attempt indeed.
And . . .
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 21st April 2008
Many thanks for this, fellpony (Sue). Yes, I see what you mean about the And / As point. I'll change it. It was supposed to be a playful, but respectful, allusion to Brett's wonderful 'And Bluebell Lane is now all overgrown.' 
 
We've had some interesting banter about the strange power of starting with 'And' cf 'Jerusalem' - 'And did thoose feet . . .?'. 
 
Just spotted a typo - in the second stanza I wrote 'for those still unborn' instead of 'to those still unborn'. 
 
Back to the editing desk for me! 
 
Thanks again! Cheers! John

Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 21st April 2008
If this is your first attempt, John, then well done.  
As you stated in your introduction, the meter does alter every now and then, but on the whole I enjoyed it. Particularly like the sentiment and there are some wonderful lines here; 
 
'...my Love comes dripping dew through the corn' 
 
'Childhood sings and is endlessly strong.' 
 
Good stuff, John. 
Cheers

Written by NedWilson (26 comments posted) 21st April 2008
Very nice lines indeed. Its nice to see such success in exploring the world of poetic forms. I should attach a mike to Keith if I were you!

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.