Frankly, my dear, I haven't a clue.
Twisting through the air in my room
is the ghost of a cigarette, ascending
from its corporeal form in my ashtray
to assume its place in the yellowed heavens
of my nicotine stained ceiling
|
Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
Well thanks very much - now I'm gagging. Not had so much as a puff since early January - and it's not much fun. Fatter, but not fun.
Liked the picture you drew - liked it far too much.
Phil |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
I fear there is no hope for you. If you can wax so lyrical about ciggies then it goes way beyond simple addiction.
Are you the only smoker left in America?
I had the opinion smoking was not only illegal but put you at risk from millions of law-suits for poisoning people's personal space. I heard it was at the top of the list with terrorism, paedophilia and voting republican
And many thanks for all the reviews of old stuff. I'd forgotten most of it
cheers
Jane |
Written by Steve_K (58 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
Very nice little poem. Loved the description. It makes me want to have a cigarette. Indeed I will  |
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
Phil - Sorry!
Jane - No, it's still legal. You just can't do it in restaurants, sports bars, or within 30 feet of most buildings.
When I start waxing poetic about piles of doggie doo, THEN I'll admit I have a problem.
Steve - I'm not sure I'd glorify it by calling it a poem, but thanks! It's just sort of a fragment of a longer poem that I scrapped because frankly it was shit, but I saved this verse for some reason. A friend told me he liked it so I figured I'd throw it up here.
Gah, now I need a cigarette! But it's so cold out! I hate not being able to smoke inside. |
Imagism
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
This is very close to the style that was brought to a peak by T E Hulme
though heaviy sponsored by Ezra Pound -- pro-pounded you might say . ( apology )
When done well as this is , it is a form I like very much , but it is so rarely well done. It has an Oriental feel about it, haiku, tanka and so on
Good image which I see has had a big effect on some. Proves its worth!
patterjack |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
I'm not a smoker. But I find this poem sort of hypnotic. (I can see why this can act as a trigger to ex-smokers!) It seems say that cigarette smoke is both enticing (1st half) and repelling (2nd half). I find the title 'A Better Place' funny. Is it supposed to be? And your intro, I find both puzzling and entertaining. Another fascinating piece...
Mia  |
Gone with the Wind
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 21st April 2008 |
Hello Merioneth - another gem here! As an increasingly guilty-feeling and coughing smoker myself, I find this beautiful fragment most alluring.
The intro intrigues me - is it an allusion to the famous 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!', uttered by by Clark Gable?
If so, hillariously clever, since the movie was 'Gone with the Wind', just like your cigarrete smoke! Ha! Ha!
Off for an illicit puff now . . . Cheers! John X |
Life is like that ashtray...
Written by Talisker (1336 comments posted) 21st April 2008 |
...full of little doubts.
I really liked this Merioneth. It hath clath.
Oli
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Responses
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
Patterjack - I kind of felt like it was a haiku in spirit but not form. The way I read it, it sort of reads like a bloated haiku. "Pro-pounded", how did you know I was a sucker for bad puns?! My dog spilled a glass of wine on herself the other day and I shouted "look! She's a booze hound!" I simply can't resist a good bad pun!
Mia - Once again you've commented on my work and I feel horribly guilty for not having followed up on my promise to review more of yours. I will do so right after I do some things that need to be done, I promise!  The title is supposed to be ironic humor, so yes, it is supposed to be somewhat funny.
Katanga - It is funny how this poem seems to make smokers crave a butt. The imagery is not terribly appealing "to assume its place in the yellowed heavens/of my nicotine stained ceiling" but it seems to have that effect anyway. I suppose it's like those anti-smoking ads. I always need a smoke after watching one, even if it featured some weepy-eyed moppet recounting their dad's long and excruciating battle with lung cancer, or someone smoking through a stoma (yuck)! As for the Gone With the Wind play on the opener, it was not intentional. I remembered a bit of some quote and inserted it in the beginning, not really sure what I was thinking.
Oli- Little doubts abound. I'd settle for a few small certainties sprinkled in now and again.
Thanks all for commenting on my snippet of a poem!
~Meri |
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