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Poetry
Free
By meadowcroft1964
21 April 2008
I have decided to completely re work this poem say what you think 

Free

 

She's in the ground now buried deep

Where only those long gone do sleep.

No more for her my heart's pity seek,

No more for her my eyes do weep.

For now she's free.

 

Free to dream of the open road

travelling where only God knows. 
Free to fly like a captured dove

released into the clear blue sky.

For her no more flowers need she sell

But I'm certain St. Peter fortune

She'll try to tell

For now she's free

 

Free from sorrow, work and pain.

Once again she's pure and clean,

Once again she's free to dream.

Free to dream of campfires bright

Where lost loved ones deem to meet

to listen as music plays and the

tales of old are customarily told

till the fire gives up its light

to the dark starry night

 

She's free now.

Free to dream of

painted wagons parked close by

under which the old dogs lie

Watching as coloured horses gently doze

bellies full of rich fresh grass.

All waiting for the night to pass

For now she's free.

 

What more for her could I wish

It doesn't get much better

much better than this

She's happy now she has returned

To the life she was born to live

Reviews
Heartfelt
Written by Katanga (1554 comments posted) 21st April 2008
This is clearly heartfelt and has some very moving lines. However, there are a number of typos that detract from the impact e.g. I,m (for I'm), dose (for doze), For now she free( for For now she's free,), she as returned (for she has returned). 
 
Also I'm not sure about 'No more for her my hearts pity seek'. 
Shouldn't that be 'No more for her my heart's pity seeks'? 
But then there's a problem with the rhyming . . . 
 
Anyway, I like it, but feel it would be much more powerful with some tidying up. Sorry if this sounds negative . . . Cheers! John
John
Written by meadowcroft1964 (112 comments posted) 21st April 2008
I should take more time reading through work before posting thank you for keeping me right sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees.

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