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By michelle
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21 April 2008 |
I press my left hand against my heart
To remind me of the pain
The pain of missing you
I am close to tears
Because I long to feel you again
It has been thirteen days
But it feels like eternity
I am not alone
But I am lonely
I long for your kiss
And the warmth of your body next to mine
I want to feel your energy
When you thrust into me
The days move too slowly
Til we meet again
I shall bear the pain
Because the distance has made me realise
That you are where I want to be
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Thrust
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 21st April 2008 | I think this otherwise gently sad and romantic poem is spoiled by the line 'When you thrust into me'.
I'm not a prude by any means and for me there's nothing wrong with sex in poetry.
It's just that it doesn't seem to fit the tone here.
Sorry! Cheers! John |
Written by NedWilson (26 comments posted) 21st April 2008 | | I take Katanga's point but that verse is full of energy and I dont think that the sentiment is entirely inappropriate. As K says Perhaps a more gentle word expressing the physical action is needed - to convey the love behind the sentiment. The aching comes across well. |
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