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By prionsa_leon_dubh
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21 April 2008 |
This is for the Lazy Writers group's April Topic. I wrote it pretty quickly, but it'll do. Let me know what you think.
A day that’s without you, is a day not the same,
A day of injustice with no one to blame,
I guess you’re a part of me and I know that it’s true
That no-one would think....but they know what we do.
Our time together’s frowned upon, though many agree,
But I know that you’ve had others whilst you’ve been with me,
Through a life ruled by lust there is one thing I’ve learned,
If you’re part of the flame, you cannot be burned.
So I’ll take you to dinner, pay for all that you touch,
We’ll split the indulgence but no going Dutch,
But our passion can’t be public, we can’t show our love,
So for now I’ll keep you hidden....and sheathed in this glove.
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Like it!
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 21st April 2008 | Yes, I like this, especially the line 'If you're part of the flame, you cannot be burned.'
I feel there a few too many syllables packed in occasionally - 'Our time together's frowned upon, though many agree' has to be rather rushed and 'squashed' to follow the rythm, and perhaps the last line would flow better shortened to
So I'll keep you hidden . . . and sheathed in this glove.
I don't actully get the 'glove' idea - could you enlight me?
Cheers! Sorry to nit-pick! John |
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 30th April 2008 | Loving this indulgent piece prionsa_leon_dubh (by indulgent I mean for the reader by the way!) I feel as though I should write more it all works perfectly!
Thanks for posting! I look forward to reading more!
VBW,
TW x |
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