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By Katanga
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22 April 2008 |
Perhaps a bit redolent of too much red wine? Oh well, maudlin romance gets under my skin . . .
The point I'm trying to make is that the loss of a loved one affects us far more than all the passions and sorrows of the outside world combined (and the 'revelled in all I've lost' line points to the adolescent self-indulgent 'joy of depression', which rapidly evaporates when faced with 'real' tragedy). . . Any thoughts?
Have you Heard?
I have thrilled at the passion in thunderstorms
Revelled in the rage of the sea
Now I long just to hear her footfalls
Soft, coming back to me.
I have witnessed old men weep
Looked on as children die
Have you heard from her since I've been gone?
No? I beg you, why?
Tell me, when you last saw her,
Did you read a look in her eye?
Is there a secret you cannot tell me
Between the Earth, the Moon and the Sky?
I have thrilled at all that Life can bring
Revelled in all I've lost
Now I'd give all this just to hear her sing
No matter what cost, what cost.
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Hi Katanga
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 21st April 2008 | I liked this piece
for me the 2and stanza is the strongest ,the fourth the weakest, but all in all a decent write.
Bernie |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 | | Very nice indeedy x | retro?
Written by edjones (14 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 | The language of the poem suggests the 19th rather than the 21st century which encourages the reader to view the work as 'maudlin romance'. It is the voice of a man (though it could be that of a woman) who has returned from Waterloo rather than Helmand province. I would like to see you write another, grittier, version on this eternal theme of loss but in contemporary language.
| Something Grittier
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 | Thanks Mai, Punchy and Ed.
Ed, I take your point entirely! For something rather grim on the same theme, please take peek at my piece 'For Andrew', posted 14 April.
Hope you'll find it grittier and more contemporary in style?
Your comments would be greatly appreciated as I've only had one review of it so far (from 'fellpony actually, whom I greatly respect, so that makes up for it!).
I think others may have been offended by the stark use of 'unprintable' vocabulary!
Anyway, thanks again, Ed. Cheers! John |
Written by Brett (1009 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 | Is there such a thing as too much red wine?
I like this, John. Regarding what Ed says about the language being archaic I think it is only 'I beg you, why?' that really hints at this. But I have no problem with this.
Good stuff.
Cheers
P.S. Just read your profile - a fellow twanger of the six string, eh? We must discuss (and no innuendos re fingering, licks, or necking!) |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 | I think death is an ugly, cruel and obscene reality. All our melodrama and pretensions at poetic angst get slammed into the wall, when we face death of a loved one. It's strange how the subject matter also produces powerful poetry.
A girl I know who lost her father as a teenager said, she kept expecting to see her father just open the door and walk in as if nothing has happened. I couldn't breathe when I heard a father who lost his little boy say, he went into his child's room and howled when it kept staying clean.
I thought your poem was expressed those realities very well.
Mia 
| this is beautiful
Written by SplatterpunkShelbs (37 comments posted) 26th April 2008 | It really does capture the feeling of losing someone you love, (someone you possibly took for granted?) It made me sigh and pout a little 
grat work! | Howling.
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 26th April 2008 | Many thanks Brett, Mia and Splatterpunk! (What a name! Where did that come from? It kind of drips off the page!)
Brett - yes, I'll be in touch about the mutual twanging interest!
Mia - I'm not surprised you couldn't breathe over after hearing from the father who howled - that's really got me.
Splatterpunk - 'Someone I possibly took for granted'? Yes, it's a sad, almost universally shared feeling I think that we feel gut-wrenching guilt and regret over taking someone for granted, but only when we lose them. Most of us are simply too busy pursuing selfish goals, but understandably and forgiveably, to give our loved ones the attention they deserve.
Know the Joni Mitchel line form 'Big Yellow Taxi'?
"You don't know what you've got till it's gone."
Says it all! Cheers All! John X |
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