This is just a bit of fun about linguistic snobbery - I guess it could open a debate about language and British (sorry, Merioneth et al) social class, or even about the descriptive / prescriptive approaches to teaching language . . . Hope not to cause any bad feeling! Yo! John.
The Mantlepiece and the Toilet
The mantlepiece and the mantleshelf
Are falling out once more . . .
What does it matter to the mantlepiece
If the shelf says 'ground' for floor?
Do we really have supper and afters?
If so, what's dinner for?
I've just had tea, so excuse me!
Please explain some more . . .
Well, it matters to some of us quite a lot
Is a lavatory a loo?
And should we wince at the toilet?
Let's look in our Who's Who!
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!
As long as I can know
If I'm pissing into the wind or not
Out here in the rain and snow.
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Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 |
Marvellous. John, this is a hoot. One of those ideas that seem so simple I say to myself "Why didn't I think of that?" I love that final stanza (even more for quoting Rhett Butler!)
Nice.
Cheers |
Ha! Brett!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 |
Was I quoting Rhett Butler? If so, it was unbeknownst (sp?!) to me . . .
I knew I was quoting Clark Gable - Gone with the Wind - 'Frankly, my dear, etc ...' Came up in a previous poem and post which I just can't lay my finger on now, but it was jolly good . . .
Cheers! John X |
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 |
Yes, John - Rhett Butler was the name of Gable's character - classic film, what?
Cheers |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 |
This poem, I can relate to very well at a personal level. As I've complained rather bitterly before, for a person learning English, all these distinctions add even more difficulty. English is a difficult language as it is to master. Eg. I used to confuse lavatory with laboratory (b/v is difficult for Koreans as is r/l etc). Why not just have a couple of terms for toilet instead of a hundred million? And I never found out what W/C stands for. 1st floor/grnd floor can get us lost - is it attached to earth or above it? Tea/supper/dinner??? To me tea is something you drink at anytime. I used to think English speakers eat three meals one after another in the evening. In fact, I'm still not clear what you eat when. I can go on and on...
Mia  |
The Two Ronnies
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 22nd April 2008 |
They did a wonderfully funny sketch about someone wishing to use the smallest room in the house and other euphemisms .
I would recommend Bazzer for euphisms too
patterjack |
Written by coosh (1156 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
Good subject! I'd assumed "tea" in that sense was a northern expression, always preceded by the word "mi", until you reach Scotland, where it becomes "ma". Unless it's "high tea" - kippers and shortbread about ten past four - or "low tea" - crumpets and fine china, after a hard day studying the Financial Times and looking for a suitable polo partner for one's daughter Annabel.
There's a book that explains it all for foreigners, and the other 50% of the population. Surprising the current Government hasn't yet introduced any legislation on this issue:
http://www.putlearningfirst.com/language/12dial/dinner.html
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Written by punchy (576 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
Great poem. i still get confused. My mother in law calls lunch "dinner" and evening dinner "tea". My own mother calls tea something you have at 4 with a sandwich and a cake, I thought tea was somethings you drink from a cup and dip half a dozen digestive biscuits in until the liquid has all gone?.
And we are all from Essex!!!
What about,lounge, sitting room or front room?
And sofa or settee?
Paula  |
hi/mid/lo tea
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
I've read the reviews and coosh's html, and I feel dizzy. No wonder I find English difficult to learn. I'm thinking UK must still be class-oriented society to have such language distinctions. When Korea had a king, there were all kinds of class-oriented language. Eg. Royal family's body parts had to be referred by special terms. When the king passed gas (sorry to be crude), that had to be referred by a special "sacred-sounding" term. But now class distinction has disappeared in Korea (monarchy finished over 100 yrs ago), and with it all that language. We now only have different ways of talking to older people to show them respect, which I think is good.
Mia  - sorry to go on about this, but it's fascinating to me. |
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
| Then you have to distinguish between mashing tea or brewing it. I think we've just about got round dinner and lunch by saying "evning meal". As for "tea" it can surprise our visitors when they see the table set at 5 o'clock with sandwiches, cakes, scones. ham and cheese etc. I know of one who turned all of this down, thinking it would spoil his dinner at 8 pm. (An Italian). How surprised he was when the next meal announced was breakfast the next morning. |
Content warning
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
It's not the pissing in he wind, it's which way the wind is blowing relative to the pissing.
As for correct language use: I sit on a sofa in the sitting room. I have lunch and tea, tea being the main meal. I ripped our mantle surrounds out and sold them to a toff. When not pissing outdoors - which is a pleasure - I do it in the bog, unless my wife is listening, in which case, it's the loo. I shout 'eyup!' on returning from work, carefully leaving the front door open until the last echoes have faded. Does all that make me posh?
Enjoyed the poem.
Phil |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (1147 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 |
Phil. My estimation of you has quite changed. "Bog" indeed. That's where the Irish keep their turf. It is a Loo, as all polite people know.
Lunch and dinner is what one eats. Tea is a drink. NEVER dinner (at lunchtime) and tea (in the evening). I was brought up (some would say "dragged") by a couple of Geordies but have had to change my ways here in the Home Counties, dontcha know. |
Written by TwistedTales (550 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
Just read it...hilarious...captured so well..i guess it's one of those never-ending poems...you can keep on adding...
Regards,
TT |
Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
These are the subtleties of a language that are sometimes hard to grasp for a foreigner. I still don't know the difference between 'nude' and 'naked' for instance.
It's here where semantics are insufficient and pragmatics has to claim its rightful place. So much can be said in ways that can't be caught in truth-conditions... |
Written by Adam_S (12 comments posted) 17th July 2008 |
I really like this, its a simple yet effective piece with great use of language and timing. It also made me laugh.
Keep up the good work.
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(sorry, Merioneth et al)
Written by Merioneth (137 comments posted) 17th April 2010 |
...though I'm irredeemably American, I am half-brit. My dad spoke a peculiar amalgam of Americanized british. Also, I have terrible teeth...though my American mom may have played some part in that...
This was two years ago? I'm pleased to have been cited for apologies.
~Meri |
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