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By MyCatIsMyIdol
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23 April 2008 |
It's the first time I've posted anthing and I'm a little apprehensive. I know my grammar is probably atrocious so I'll apologise in advance.
Hi Al. Fancy staying over at mine this weekend if your mum allows? From: Dad 17:31 4-Nov-07
Hey! Parents r out 2moro nite. Wana cme ovr 4 fireworks? Could b romantic lol ;). Luv u xxxxxxxxxxxx
From: Derek 23:12 4-Nov-07
Hey. R u stil cmin :( tb xxxxxxxxxxxx
From: Derek 21:02 5-Nov-07
Smash! Sophia hurled the phone away in disgust but knocked over and shattered a bottle of perfume in the process. She hurried over and took off her woollen primrose cardigan to mop it up. She glanced at the clock. 4:20- the time her daughter was due in from school at. However, Sophia had needn’t worry about her daughter returning and catching her. The upset book pile, the broken perfume bottle: both were irrelevant. She sniffed, and again. The thing was, her daughter wouldn’t be returning this night… or any other night. Sophia wiped her face and gathered herself together. Closing the door behind her she whispered, “Allison, I’ll just go and make some tea. Earl Grey?”|
Written by Lyvvie (12 comments posted) 25th April 2008 | It is good. Sure there's a bit of grammar to clean up but that's easy done. It makes me ask questions: Why isn't Allison coming home? What's today's date - has she been missing? If Sophia has been leaving cups of tea for a few days then why did today make her mad enough to throw the phone? I guess I'm confused about the timeline - the phone messages are recent but the "barely drunk cups of tea" make me wonder if this girl is missing and Mom not told anyone yet.
You could definitely spin this out a lot more and get a good short story from it.
Best of luck! |
Written by MyCatIsMyIdol (3 comments posted) 25th April 2008 | The idea was that her daughter had died recently and she couldn't really come to terms with it. This was the first time the mother had been in her daughter's room and it was how she left it. Sophia had been making cups of tea when Allison was around and was just a bit annoyed to find she hadn't been drinking them. Lol I need to make things clearer. Thanks for your review. It's much appreciated. 
Catriona |
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