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By PeterFW
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23 April 2008 |
I was always the kid with the two coconut shells, making donkey walking
noises. I was never Jospeh, or one of them three kings. I was never
even a Shepherd. No one could guarantee that I wouldn't void my bowls
at an most inoppportune momnet.
I used to do it in assembly quite a lot and consequently always had a
bottom sized gap on either side of me where other children would refuse
to sit.
"eeeeeephh who needs a poo?" the ever patient Mrs Overton would ask (knowing full well it was me)
"Peter does Miss" a unison of voices would gleefully reply
"Come on then young man, lets get you in your PE Kit"
"Sorry Miss"
I did it at swimming once too, whilst attempting my 25 metre bagde. Very messy indeed.
After that I used to stay on the coach with one of the Helper Mums. I
didn't mind that, she wasn't as judgemental as my peers. Sometimes she
brought Midget Gems and we'd share them and talk or play Top Trumps on
one of the seats. Then later on, after school, her son would beat me up.
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Written by Canadian_Bacon (110 comments posted) 23rd April 2008 | The only thing missing is a good ending. There's a beginning, where you introduce your character; there's a middle where you talk about his 'problem', and the various consequences it brings; and then it abruptly ends.
Maybe I'm just reading it wrong. Other than that, though, good job! |
Written by PuppyWuppy (27 comments posted) 24th April 2008 | | It was nice, if slightly disgusting. You didn't know if you needed to feel sympathy for the lad or if you should be grossed out. The ending is quite abrupt, but it did shock you and made you wish to read more. Good job, matie! |
Written by mia_ms_kim (976 comments posted) 24th April 2008 | Delivered with little melodrama or sentimentalism, therefore effective. As a reader (and mother) I feel great compassion for the child, and wonders if he comes from a seriously dysfunctional family or is a foster child etc etc, because no mother would leave her child in that condition without trying to get him help or protect him. So what is conspicuously absent from the story, is as revealing as what is told. I thought this was well written.
Mia  |
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