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Poetry
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Love lost
By NuttyWithIt
17 November 2005
Lost love

It's like a red hot poker iron,

burning,

turning,

stabbing through the centre of your tender heart.

 

It's like a manic primal scream,

ripping,

stripping,

shredding any sanity left in your mind.

 

It's like a rapid raging river,

crashing,

crushing,

cascading waterfalls of tears from crying eyes.

 

And then there was calm!

Reviews

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 18th November 2005
Some lovely bits of atmosphere here, just a couple of critique points if they're helpful: (1) this might be stronger if you wrote it in the first person instead of the second (otherwise it comes across as if you're telling me how I'm feeling...); (2) there is a change of tense in the last line (present to past) which doesn't really work for me. Apart from that, I like it - there are some lovely assonances, you can almost feel the surge of the river in verse 3 in the way the poem is structured.
I enjoyed this very much too
Written by darrenmc (54 comments posted) 18th November 2005
But disagree with amboline (sorry..) about the p.o.v. I think it is written in the first person, as we sometimes use 'you' to mean 'me', in self observation, though I may be wrong. Thought the last line could have been stronger, I got the idea, that after all that bawling and emotion you just brush yourself down and carry on but the line seemed a bit throwaway, and maybe hinted at a bit of comic relief (if this was intended then it's perfect!). 
Darren
In Answer
Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 19th November 2005
I never think much about how I write, I just write it how it comes out!!! This took 10 minutes and half of it sprung into the mind while I was just drifting off to sleep and I had to get it written down in case I forgot it by morning!!! lol The end line is how it seems after everything else has happened. You stand there after everything has vented, in calmness and quiet, and then you do just get on with your life, or at least I do. There is also a psychological twist in it, because sometimes the pain can lead to death.

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