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By patterjack
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25 April 2008 |
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Obscene Moment
That obscene moment when the card flips over
or the coloured ball drops down into the slot
is not a time that bears frequent repetition .
The caller's voice resounds over the cage's rattle;
requests that you play again , but can you summon
the will to try it ? Remember that the odds
are strong against you and increasing all the time
your stakes diminishing at a lightning speed.
There have been those moments when you felt
that the exercise was worth it , but now
the panic has set in .
Double those stakes!
The end will then arrive at double the speed.
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Written by Matthiasrising (37 comments posted) 24th April 2008 | I can really feel the tension at the beginning. The diction and form help create a sense of the structured disorder of a casino. Right on | Written by Veronica_Milvus (769 comments posted) 24th April 2008 | I wonder what prompted this - are you not a natural risk taker? There is a sense of gloomy inevitability here, which seems uncharateristic of you, about something going very Badly Wrong. But in the last two lines, the reckless game goes on! place your bets, ladies and gentlemen! | Written by ainsel (68 comments posted) 25th April 2008 | I never saw the appeal of this form of gambling; I lose interest very quickly in passive exercises. You have brought it to life, though. Maybe I'm reading in too much, but I wonder if this has a little of the theme of aging that has haunted your work? Just something about the last few lines. It flows well - reads aloud nicely, with a natural tendency to accelerate towards the end. The title is very catchy indeed - if it hadn't been one of yours I might have assumed the content from the title, and passed it by! Extremely apt, though. | Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th April 2008 | This is foreign territory for me, I must say. Like ainsel I always considered it too passive and uninvolving; you just have to sit and watch. But you show the inner turmoil of the practise which, I suppose is where the compulsion comes from- that sort of adrenaline rush. You do create an uncomfortable sense of dramatic tension here. There is something really ominous about the tone. Didn't understand the title, though but then I'm no gambler cheers jane | Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 26th April 2008 | I feel there's an undertone - actually an overtone at times - in much of your work of late. Not sure if I'm right this time, but you get so used to a serial theme, you kind of look for it. Reading as I did- I found it quite worrying - as while I'm not a gambler in the conventional sense of the word - I've staked plenty over the years. Like it -and more so because I seem to get something from it that others don't - even if I am wrong. Phil |
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