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Poetry
Obscene Moment
By patterjack
25 April 2008
Obscene Moment

That  obscene  moment  when  the card  flips  over 
or  the  coloured  ball  drops  down  into the  slot
is  not  a  time   that  bears   frequent  repetition .

The  caller's  voice  resounds over  the  cage's  rattle;
requests  that  you play  again , but  can  you  summon
the  will to  try  it ?  Remember  that  the  odds 
are  strong against  you  and  increasing  all  the   time
your  stakes  diminishing at a lightning  speed.

There have been  those  moments  when  you  felt
that  the  exercise  was  worth  it   ,  but  now 
the  panic  has  set  in . 

Double those  stakes!

The  end  will  then arrive at  double  the speed.

Reviews

Written by Matthiasrising (37 comments posted) 24th April 2008
I can really feel the tension at the beginning. 
The diction and form help create a sense of the structured disorder of a casino. 
 
Right on

Written by Veronica_Milvus (769 comments posted) 24th April 2008
I wonder what prompted this - are you not a natural risk taker? There is a sense of gloomy inevitability here, which seems uncharateristic of you, about something going very Badly Wrong. 
 
But in the last two lines, the reckless game goes on! 
 
place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

Written by ainsel (68 comments posted) 25th April 2008
I never saw the appeal of this form of gambling; I lose interest very quickly in passive exercises. You have brought it to life, though. Maybe I'm reading in too much, but I wonder if this has a little of the theme of aging that has haunted your work? Just something about the last few lines. 
 
It flows well - reads aloud nicely, with a natural tendency to accelerate towards the end. 
 
The title is very catchy indeed - if it hadn't been one of yours I might have assumed the content from the title, and passed it by! Extremely apt, though.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th April 2008
This is foreign territory for me, I must say. Like ainsel I always considered it too passive and uninvolving; you just have to sit and watch. But you show the inner turmoil of the practise which, I suppose is where the compulsion comes from- that sort of adrenaline rush. You do create an uncomfortable sense of dramatic tension here. There is something really ominous about the tone.  
Didn't understand the title, though but then I'm no gambler 
cheers 
jane

Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 26th April 2008
I feel there's an undertone - actually an overtone at times - in much of your work of late. Not sure if I'm right this time, but you get so used to a serial theme, you kind of look for it.  
 
Reading as I did- I found it quite worrying - as while I'm not a gambler in the conventional sense of the word - I've staked plenty over the years. 
 
Like it -and more so because I seem to get something from it that others don't - even if I am wrong. 
 
Phil

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