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Written by Matthiasrising (37 comments posted) 24th April 2008 |
I like the boardroom, bedroom comparison.
Is she always so composed?
The best part is the imagery and the sharp words used. You have a talent.
Could have maybe made the last part a little more risque, if that was indeed what you were going for. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (769 comments posted) 24th April 2008 |
Wow, she sounds scary! If I was so "tailored" I think my boss would have a go at me about using more of my people skills. The "bullet points sharp" and the "laser pointer spears" were good, made me think of a fencing match. "cowed, submissive" gave me the horrors - but then, this is a fantasy - right?
It feels like there ought to be one of those "Why, Miss Jones, you're beautiful" moments where she undoes her pinned-up hair and takes off her glasses... |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 24th April 2008 |
Provocative and intriguing - both the poem and the woman in the poem. "bullet points" and "laser point spears..." seem to portray her well. "strides the boardroom floor" and "tread the bedroom floor" caught my eyes, too. ie. How much of the boardroom is transferred into the bedroom? The way it ended, a short question I thought, was effective in conveying that unvoiced curiosity.
I can understand the watchers' sentiments who are in awe of the precise competent female executive. I also find such females very intriguing - thirty-something, single, competent (probably far more than her male colleagues - or she comes across as such). Such women are often the protagonists I explore in my writing. Capable female authority figures who more than match her male counterparts, arouse my curiosity. (The traditional damsel in distress in need of male rescue, I find boring.) Although I, as woman, don't wonder about graphic details, I would probably wonder about the female executive's personal life - if it matches her power dressing and her professional image.
Very intriguing indeed!
Mia  |
Written by ainsel (68 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
A very sharp and vivid portrait. I don't think I'd get on with that lady at all - would be looking to sabotage her laser pointer and spill white-out on her black spike-heeled shoes (of course she has them! don't need to be told that).
Good stuff, my dear. |
That lady...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
... is a composite of several I have enjoyed working with. They were all very pleasant to work for.
Thank you for all the kind comments.
patterjack
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th April 2008 |
Yes. I have noticed how that sort of high-flyer type woman provokes curiosity as to her femininity/sexuality. I thought you established the "masculine" side of her very well and vividly and that questioning verse at the end as to her "feminine"completes the picture.This is the sort of work to open up an interesting debate on the subject as it just presents the views without prejudice
Jane |
Military Sexuality
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 26th April 2008 |
Yes, I like the potent military sexuality of 'ram' and 'spears' and the other choice imagery.
Can't quite get meaning of 'tailored thought', though I like the phrase and the way it hooks back to 'tailored power dressing' - isn't the thought of the bedroom scene rather 'untailored' in the sense that it's naughtily off the topic being presented in the boardroom? Like imagining the queen on the loo. Just a wild thought.
Cheers! John |
Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 27th April 2008 |
And does this mean all thoughts turn to sex in the end - in one form or another? Personally, I think it is often there, lurking in the background.
There are effective contrasts here - not just male/female, but also matriarchal/sexual, serious/shallow, modern-civilised/more earthy.
As ever - plenty to ponder.
Enjoyed.
Phil |
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