READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1223 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
Words
By Emmuttmax
26 April 2008
I understand the poetry section is where the sharks lurk. Here is some fresh bait for the frenzy. I must state upfront--although it will become evident after you read the poem--I am not a poet. I wrote this at the request of a friend in Russia. She is a professor of linguistics and asked me to write something for her English class. Thanks for your indulgence.

Words

Fingers hovering over electric parchment, I gently grab the reins.
Bright, eager adverbs burst forward into the frosty night.
Nostrils flaring, moist excitement billows as we chase down your quixotic, rust-colored verb.
Inward move my smoke eyes,
Searching the canyon floor for the glow of perfect adjectives,
Dulcet, strong, cozy adjectives to embrace your hungry noun.
We move away on cats’ paws and recline in heavy comfort on sultans’ pillows
Finger on finger
Thought to thought
Childlike conjunctions and prepositions swirl and dance before the fireplace
Giggling, happy.
The window frames the purple night, dotted with ellipsis shining their street lights on ring-tailed commas hung in the forlorn elm trees.
Our world momentarily cocooned in a parenthetical phrase
Safe, languid.
Words take their leave through the front door
Exhausted
Leaving pictures behind
And we wait for the paragraph’s completeness.
The last perio
d.

Reviews
just when you thought
Written by fellpony (1580 comments posted) 27th April 2008
it was safe to go back in the water.... :grin  
 
I understand what you are attempting here, and it's a witty take on language and creativity. I think it starts to gain strength from about halfway in, where the linguistic terms start to predominate. The opening wobbles a bit between metaphors, particularly line 1 and lines 3 & 4 where I thought you were going for the horse simile then suddenly, ouch, we're reclining instead on sultans' pillows (that line would probably work better by ending after "comfort"). 
 
Plural of "ellipsis" = "ellipses", I think? 
 
I do like the concept - I'd just pare it down a little ;)  
flip ... der-um ... der-um ... der-um, der-um, der-um

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item