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Shorts
Your Pets Have Been Requisitioned
By Asferthecat
26 April 2008
Just a short one, 600 words

“Your pets have been requisitioned by the Department of Food. Please have them ready for collection by Friday.” 

Blissfully unaware of the letter that had come through the door the previous day, Tiddles was lying curled up in her basket by the fire. Suddenly her sleep was disturbed by her mistress, who leapt to her feet and gazed out of the window. A van, with ‘Department of Food’ written along the side, was parking outside the house.
 

“It’s those pet-stealing bastards,” shrieked her mistress, “It’s only Thursday - they’ve come early.” She swooped down on Tiddles, and scooped her up into her arms.
 

Her master picked up the basket and pushed it behind the sofa. “Quick,” he said. “I’ll keep them talking, while you hide Tiddles.”
 

The unfortunate Tiddles was rushed through the kitchen and out through the backdoor into the garden. A small potting shed stood half-hidden behind a rambling rose bush.
 

“You hide there, my darling, until the nasty men are gone.” Her mistress placed a sloppy kiss on the top of Tiddles’ head and gently put her on a piece of sacking.
 
Tiddles shook herself crossly. She had been warm and cosy in front of the fire, now she had been abruptly woken and thrown into this cold, potting shed. She peered through the cobwebby window to try and make out what was happening. Her master was still arguing with the newcomer. 

“Friday, it says Friday.”
 

“It says by Friday. We are coming to collect your pets by Friday.” The newcomers voice was deep and showing signs of strained patience.
 

“No it says – have them ready by Friday.” Her master’s voice was becoming shriller with irritation.
 

Tiddles couldn’t understand the words, but she could tell the mood of the speakers and reckoned she was probably better off to stay in the safety of the potting shed. She settled down on the sacking.
 

“Horses, yes, I can understand horses, I like a nice piece of horsemeat myself. But dogs and cats?”
 

“And snakes and monkeys and lizards?” added her mistress.
 

“There’s no meat on them,” continued her master, “and I bet they taste horrible.”
 

The man from the Department said something too quietly for the listening Tiddles to make out the words.
 

“Sausages?” screamed her mistress. “Remind me never to eat a sausage again.”
 

Whatever the argument was about, it looked as if it was going to be a long one. Tiddles was resigning herself to a miserable evening in the potting shed, when she heard the van drive away. At last she could get back to her basket by the fire and, perhaps, some nice warm milk.
 

She emerged from the potting shed and was shocked to find herself face to face with an enormous overseer in an official uniform. He gave a triumphant smile when he saw her, and light from the house reflected off his huge scythe-like teeth.


“Got you,” he said, laying a heavy hand on her shoulder. She could feel his claws digging into her.

Tiddles cried out in pain, and her master and mistress - came running out of the house. 

“Oh Tiddles,” cried her mistress. “Why didn’t you stay hidden?”
 

Tiddles held out her arms, begging her owners to come to her rescue.
 

“Oh please sir,” said her mistress to the official. “Please don’t take Tiddles, she’s only a baby – she’s not even fully grown yet.” Tears were running down her furry cheeks as she clasped her hands in supplication.

“She’s hardly big enough for one sausage,” pleaded her master. “Please spare her, she means so much to us.”
 

“Any more trouble from you two,” said the official, thrusting Tiddles into one of the sacks tied around his waist, “and I will have you arrested for obstructing an officer in the pursuance of his duty. Some people think these naked apes are intelligent, but I say they are as stupid as any other animal. This one fell for the oldest trick in the book.”
 

It was warm in the sack and Tiddles settled down to sleep again. Hopefully, wherever she was being taken, there would be a cosy fire and a nice drink of milk at the other end of the journey.
 

Reviews

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 26th April 2008
Start with the letter or a introduce the letter from the narrator's POV. "Your pets...by friday" the letter from the department had said or something like that...because the lady would have alreay known; why would she read it again.  
 
And the husband's entry is abrupt. He never speaks after that, i guess you don;t need him then.  
 
A little more emotion would make this piece even better.  
 
Like the idea though. As always, you are never short of them. 
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 26th April 2008
Thanks for the feedback TT. I've altered the opening, as you suggest, and have tried to put more feeling in.  
Mr Bigwithers is in the story throughout. Is there confusion about who is who? 
Many thanks for your help - greatly appreciated. I wish I could take credit for all the ideas, but most are initiated by Darkseid's exercises on WD

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 26th April 2008
As this was an Asferthecat story I was expecting a twist. I first I thought maybe Tiddles was a gorilla, but it turned out your story is even weirder than that. 
 
The context reminded me of the hysteria about foot-and-mouth-disease two years ago, as people's pets were collected and killed and a group of swans were shot down when they crossed from Belgium into Dutch airspace. It seemed the Dutch had started their own version of the Great Sparrow Campaign...

Written by Mr_E_Writer (226 comments posted) 26th April 2008
This is an interesting read that leaves one wondering what sort of creatures would have naked apes for pets? 
I do feel that you missed atrick by delivering your punchline four lines too early. 
After the mention of naked apes the rest of the story seems a bit of a damp squib. Why not move that section to the end, I feel that this would really tighten (and tie) things up nicely. 
I shall look out for more of your work. 
 
Eric.

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 26th April 2008
Many thanks for the feedback 
I'm glad I caught you out this time Fledermaus 
Eric - I've tried to make it clearer that everyone, apart from Tiddles was a tyrannosaurus. I've also moved the punch line to the penultimate para (I still like the idea of Tiddles being carried away oblivious to her doom.) 
Many thanks for the valuable feedback

Written by Canadian_Bacon (120 comments posted) 27th April 2008
I just read this with all of the changes made, but I still didn't get the idea that everyone is a t-rex until I read it in your review post above. 
 
I think, for me anyway, calling them "tyrannosaurus" in such a direct way makes it seem like a metaphor, because it would be so uncommon for it to be literal that it must just convey the size and fearsomeness of a t-rex. Did that make any sense?  
 
-Mike

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 27th April 2008
Dear Mike, your comment makes excellent sense. The information is too abrupt so I have put in some description to underline the fact that they are, indeed, 
tryrannosauruses. 
Many thanks for the feedback

Written by Canadian_Bacon (120 comments posted) 27th April 2008
Asfer, 
 
That def makes it more clear, but you forgot the period :P 
 
-Mike

Written by Phil (7013 comments posted) 1st May 2008
Enjoyed this until the end - all going smoothly, entertainingly then a little confusion. I had no idea anyone was a dinosaur - only the comments above made that clear. Actually - not such a huge problem. There's a better story - the one I thought I was reading, where food is so scarce that pets are being rounded up to be processed. 
 
So, enjoyed the read - but sorry - the end doesn't work for me. 
 
Phil.

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
Thanks Phil. I've had a real struggle this one. I've made changes so its not clear what the owners are - nothing seemed to work. 
I hope its OK now.

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