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Poetry
My Eyes' Desire Distorts
By mogli
26 April 2008


 




 

My eyes' desire distorts as I walk to a lonely chair.

My eyes' desire distorts as I walk to a lonely chair.

Dark red oak wind their limbs towards the sky.

Dark red oak wind their limbs towards the sky.

Their oak chair! I desire my lonely limbs to distort?

Red wind to my eyes as to a dark sky towards the walk.

 

Far beyond these walls a sluggish breeze carries the mould.

Far beyond these walls a sluggish breeze carries the mould.

Leaves a stain on your sheet.

Leaves a stain on your sheet.

Sluggish sheet carries these leaves on the far walls.

 A breeze beyond your mould: a stain.

 

I in a high field, dark corner, marked out well.

I in a high field, dark corner, marked out well.

Stand in a dripping wait: left

Stand in a dripping wait: left

Dripping. In a high wait I stand dark. Marked.

In a corner. Well out left field.

 

 

I to the red sky, beyond high. Distorts the dark.

Mould my limbs to red oak. I stand well.

Leave the dripping lonely chair in a corner!

Walls to field as a wind carries a sluggish stain.

Sheet left towards the marked breeze.

Desire these far eyes.

 

Reviews
Excellent!
Written by Katanga (1554 comments posted) 26th April 2008
Welcome aboard, Mogli! I think this is excellent and, having struggled to write one of these 'paradelles' myself, no mean feat! 
 
I love the 'fresh' nature theme - 'sky, wind, breeze, oak, dripping' - and how you've added a 'rotting' feel with 'sluggish', 'dark', 'stain' and 'mould'. Clever to use 'mould' as a noun and finally a verb. 
 
It deserves more readings for me to get the overall 'meaning', but it's now 3.54 a.m. so I'll revisit tomorrow. 
 
Sorry to be picky, but the word 'their' needs to appear in the final stanza. And a tiny issue with the 's' on 'leave' and 'distort' - but I haven't seen a technically perfect one yet!  
 
Anyway, keep 'em coming! 
 
Cheers! John X

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 27th April 2008
This one really revels in the abstraction of meaning that the paradelle form can produce. The repetition of the lines seems more natural when you find yourself immediately re-reading them anyway! Liked the 'well out left field' line and great opening as well. 
 
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