|
By Katanga
|
|
28 April 2008 |
This is written as a hopeless plea, from an alcohol-liking, nicotine-addicted man's perspective , to his lover, Alice. (no personal references intended, and nothing to do with me or you, you understand?!).
Alice herself doesn't appear in the poem, and so can be forgotten if it is so-wished.
The fact that the 'meter' is non-existent and the scanning starts awkwardly and then gets smoother is intentional, in an attempt to indicate the irony of a deteriorating relationship producing better poetry. The 'fragile Earth' is just a snook at how green I am (not).
Alice, by the way, has always been vegetarian. And good for her!
Stay with me! Oh, Alice, how mistaken could we be?
Well, Hmmmm? Comments welcome! John X
PS The shape of the stanzas scrolling down! So much like Alice, as I remember her . . . But perhaps this is not the time or place to go into that . . .
Fancy a Drink?
I write this smoking
As I suck my cup
Cursing my cigarettes
But thinking that
After all
I have no regrets
Cast off the rope
Of all our cares
And let us sail away
To where the Sun
And the fragile Earth
Roll into one last day
I will forever sing for you
Till all our songs are done
For I could no more
Tie up the Moon
Than leave
Our song unsung
|
Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | Not sure. Notwithstanding the commentary, I still found this a disjointed read - even taken as a whole. I did like the last six. A simple and effective way of saying what most angst riddled teenagers take a whole series of poems to wade through. Phil | Not sure either! Written by Katanga (1554 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | Thanks for this Phil - I'm not sure either, but I really felt it at the time . . . Perhaps I simply shouldn't press 'Submit' after two bottes of red wine?! It's meant to be 'throw-away', without being complete garbage, if you see what I mean? For more disciplined stuff, please see my 'The Grumbly Man' in the children's section. Ho! Cheers! John | Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | | Strange, but with some nice metaphors. Especially the fourth stanza was interesting. I guess I missed most of the alice-thing, so maybe I'm missing something here too, but I particularly liked the second half of this. | Who is Alice Written by Adam_S (11 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 | I like this poem from "Cast off the ropes" till "Than leave our song unsung" I feel that maybe I could have wrote this poem. that is a complement as anyone who reads my work would know. It has left me with a question though and that is who is this Alice? a ex girlfriend, lover? or just the one that got away before anything could happen? All in all I enjoyed it and I don't think there is such a thing as a "throw away" poem. Adam | Hello Adam! Written by Katanga (1554 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 | Adam, many thanks for your recent kind and encouraging reviews, and for delving into my 'back-catalogue'! 'Alice' is a delightful saga, spring from an innocent typo made by Brett in the first-posted version of his 'The Vale of Clwyd', 26th April. He originally wrote, 'When Saxons no longer feel alice' (meaning 'alive') From this all sorts of jolly banter was provoked! If you scroll down through the poetry pages to 26 April, you'll find a good few poems with 'Alice' in their titles popping up over the following days, weeks even! Have a look through them - should raise a smile or two. Let me know! Cheers! John |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |