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Sisters converse
C.
This is not the finest thread that I have spun.
Lumpy. Uneven, far too full of slubs.
I had hoped, for this one, for a finer yarn
before I sent it to the dyeing tubs.
L.
But useful, sister. Just what I myself would choose.
The tapestry I weave needs that varying texture
and your dyeing of the thread, though in muted hues
suits admirably for what still lies in store.
A.
I have laid the shears across my lap for now
for I have shorn from the work some minor trim
to make a patchwork, drab for some short time, to show.
But the thread once cut, blood turns the pattern grim.
They sing together with Nemesis.
We spin. We weave. We cut . We neither love nor hate.
Together, implacable, we seal each mortal's fate. |
Ah!
Written by fellpony (1520 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | | Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos I presume. The first two comfortable, the last very uncomfortable, to contemplate.3rd stanza, middle 2 lines, seem to have cost you some labour and don't feel quite right yet... and I'm surprised you didn't get in the "strength/length" pair of rhymes somewhere into stanza 2! |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (492 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | I really like the language in this. The repeated "u" in the first stanze, (lumpy, uneven, slubs, tubs) picks out the clumsiness of the stuff we are made of.
Then in the second stanza, the next Fate reflects that this is good for adding texture to her work of weaving the life - a really good insight. As everything else pretty much rhymes, I am not sure about "texture" and "store".
Again the "shears", "shorn" and "show" in stanza 3 give a great feeling of snipping and cutting - an onomatopoeia (sp?) for that lovely noise that scissors on fabric makes. The life referred to has been trimmed back a bit but is not ready for the final, fatal, snip.
This is the best thing I've seen from you in a while. Your muse is back with you. |
Written by Phil (6435 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | The most tempting of all ideas - at least I find - the reliance on fate in some form or another.
Can't claim to have all the nuances in this pj - but I liked it very much. I don't know the three FP refers to (will google later) but I have a clear picture of three spinsters in a wooden rocker a-piece. Your last couplet reinforced the impression of emotionless, cold actions.
Phil |
Written by mia_ms_kim (915 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | I thought at first you were talking about your writing, eg. spun, yarn etc, which you find unsatisfactory, so was about to throw them out eg. dyeing tub, I thought that was a pun. Then the second sister finds good use for the thread, so I thought you were saying even what might look inferior to the author, has a purpose in the overall scheme of things. I thought, that is positive. By the mention of the shears, I caught on - The Fates. Then you must be talking about something larger as another layer, the author's life lived being assessed by the goddesses of fate. The third sister - I didn't quite understand. She is not using the shears now, for she is in the process of contemplating the work? I don't understand what "trims" she has cut from where? From the thread or something else? In any case, she is bad news. One's fate is unstoppable, and it is up to some illogical logic, ie. the sisters sing! They work with Nemesis? Is there a hint of retribution? Simply for being a mortal?
I'm sure there are layers to this poem that escaped me. An absorbing piece.
Mia  | Well worked on
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | Interesting to see your development towrds what I was trying to say-- and thank you for telling me how you got there .
The trim that I referred to was an area in the poem with which I had a lot of difficulty . I interpolated another function for the last sister as I meant to indicate that Atropos was interested in what Lachesis wove as a tapestry , and snipped out pieces of the pattern to make a change in the patchwork of the life , before the thread was finally cut .
Didn't want to just cut the subject off too brutally and too immediately. 
Played a bit with tradition by bringing Nemesis in as well as a supernumary !
patterjack |
Written by mia_ms_kim (915 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | | Ah, patterjack....
Written by mia_ms_kim (915 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | Thank you for the explanation. I understand a little more now. It makes the work of the third sister far more poignant. She not only cuts the thread of a mortal's life, she also cuts from the life of a mortal for the purposes of their overall work. It's all about their "tapestry". That seems to make her work even grimmer to me, at least from the mortals' point of view. This is fascinating!
Mia |
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