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Poetry
concrete duck (Alec's text)
Written by fellpony
28 April 2008
with apologies to Alec - this is his text reformatted. No offence meant - just an experiment to see if the difference in appearance turns it into the joke he says it should be?

      “I like Sam’s,” Sarah said.

I looked at the picture Sam painted.

        It was a painting of a duck
        
        in a style similar to cubism.
    
    It was a brown duck with sharp and dark contours. If you had an

imagination it was swimming in water. I have an imagination but I didn’t think

it looked like a duck in water. To me it looked like the empty, disappointed

feeling you have when you see a artist fail. I shared my
    
    assessment with Sarah. She gave me a narrowed
    
              eyed look

                  that was

                       half

                           scolding

                                and half

                                    repressing laughter.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 28th April 2008
It's probably that you did it on purpose, but nonetheless I am not a fan of breaking off lines (at least not in poetry) in the middle of a constituent. Partly because I pay too much attention to syntax, but even more so because it interrupts the flow. 
I'm not entirely sure what to make of this. A cubist duck? Yet what are the last six lines?

Written by fellpony (1752 comments posted) 28th April 2008
"what are the last six lines?" Ripples on the water. Duckie's bow-wave. :grin

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 30th April 2008
Just to annoy Alec with my pedantry:  
 
a duck painted in the 'style similar to cubism' would be unlikely to have a strong defining contour as the main aim of the movement was to cut up contours, view from multiple angles and interpenetrate the foreground with the background in order to attempt to portray the four dimensional object on a two dimensional surface.  
 
Sam's duck seems to be closer to a naive figurative painting or vague semi-abstraction, with it's natural shades and fixed contours. 
 
But, it is a very nice duck. Would have looked even nicer sitting on the torn page graphic that lies beneath every poem.

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