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By wt
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28 April 2008 |
I met a Jew today
He spoke to
me in Arabic as if
Unknowingly I
would oblige
But then I
said Shalom
And he said
Ah so you know
I said yes
I do and what a shame
He smiled
and told me how he
Much older than
me
In 1958 had
drank coffee
With Lebanese
border guards under starlit skies
I smiled
and said yes
We had
Jewish neighbors
Growing up
in Beirut and sighed
He reciprocated and then
Smiled
and nodded
Is it too
late I asked?
Yes it is
he said and followed with an:
It was the
British!
Whispered in my ear
I nodded
in return
And we sort
of smiled
I never did
ask him where he was from
Damascus, Beirut, Baghdad maybe
But we both
knew and
Exchanged solemn
eyes
As we parted
Not too late
For a simple honest sigh
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Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | This is the first of your poems with which I have felt comfortable, WT; not that it contains a comfortable message, but that it is constructed in a way which allows me to follow your turns of thought! I found the story neatly told, without drama, and yet there are some tremendous phrases, like "exchanged solemn eyes". Couple of minor, minor nitpicks: "had drunk coffee" (not "drank"). I would perhaps argue too that in such a carefully simple piece, "reciprocated" is a bit elaborate. I'm sure you could find something just as good but simpler and in keeping with the rest. I don't mind the lack of punctuation. It's perfectly clear what is being said, and the line breaks support your meaning well.
It wasn't what I expected from the title, but better. I like it a lot. |
Written by Fledermaus (3301 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | This is one of those pieces I'd much rather prefer as prose than poetry, as it seems the main thing is the content and also it seems there could be a lot more told.
So the guy was both Arab and Jew I presume? Perfectly well possible, as Arab is a 'nationality' (sort of) and Judaism is a religion. I sometimes wonder how much of what the media show us about the Middle East is true. I find it hard to believe that there's so little left of its glorious and tolerant past as some people want us to believe. Why do we only hear about golden domes after they have been destroyed? |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | Nice one wt. A really poignant story in there. We who are outside this dynamic have a simplistic view of it.
Trust the bloody British to screw it all up though. | Much Better!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | I agree with fellpony here, particularly the phrase 'exchanged solemn eyes'.
I think you would do well to abandon your previous thinly-veiled attacks on middle-England culture, and concentrate on poetry instead.
But that's only my humble opinion - I look forward to more like this! Good work! |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | I had an older friend, now dead, who said his only regret in life was his involvement in what is now Israel - while he was doing his National Service. Just after the war, I think.
It had an easy ebb and flow to it that made it flow very naturally.
It reflects a very sad story well.
As I've commented before on clarity and bastardisation of the language etc I'd better say that this had impact because of its simplicity, focus on clarity and narrative and 'common' syntax.
Liked it very much.
Phil
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Written by wt (137 comments posted) 1st May 2008 | Thanks for your views
Catch you later
Best
Wt |
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