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Look into this fat man's blood shot eyes,
my dearest child, my closest friend's first son.
If you glance the ghosts of long gone dreams
and trace them down these cheeks of broken veins,
heed your father's lesson when he shows
the truth behind the jollity of such
red faced uncles who cannot but help
in falling in your play (for they have none).
Look again into this old man's eyes,
my sweetest child, now we are man to man.
If you see reflected that small boy
who lay upon my bellies with such glee,
don't dismiss the comfort you once knew,
that age when all of heaven felt your kiss;
think upon it as a frame that is
distorted sweetly: Kurosawa's rain.
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Great Uncle!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | I found this very strong!
But surely you're not blood-shot? And how many bellies have you got?
I had an uncle once - to him I owe my favourite words, jolly, jolliness and jollity. Good to see one here.
Ah, well, better pass out now . . . Thank you, Brett! X |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 28th April 2008 | "that age when all of heaven felt your kiss"
terrific.
..."for they have none"
a very sad phrase. Sounds like Alice is in a bad mood.
You paint a jaded picture of yourself, my friend. Been on the Brain's bitter again, perhaps? I hope you feel better in the morning.
There's a lot of yourself in this, a great piece of work, probably hard to write, but a lot of true feeling has got into it. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | Loved the flow of this and the development of time and ideas from the first to the second. It works well - rolls around the mouth and has a kind of universal feel.
Lost with the tile and the last two words. Clearly a reference I have no knowledge of.
Phil | Phil
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 29th April 2008 | that's my fault. Akira Kurosawa was a great Japanese film director - his films of the 50s and 60s have been remade into The Magnificent Seven, A Fistful of Dollars, and even one was an inspiration for the original Star Wars movie. His black and white films of that era (Rashomon, Seven Samurai, Throne of Blood, Yojimbo) always had scenes of teriffic rainfall that seemed to distort the scene, yet add to its beauty.
This may not make anything clearer, but as always your comments are appreciated.
Cheers |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 30th April 2008 | The final four lines are very good. Strong imagery, and the poem as a whole is an interesting portrait, though I don't pretend to fully understand what you're trying to say.
I got a bit lost in the first stanza, the last four lines seem quite complex to me..
'who cannot but help
in falling in your play (for they have none).'
It seems to be mourning the loss of playful childhood, the uncle (and voice of the poem) putting on a jolly face, that hides the loss. I'm unsure what the 'father's lesson' to the boy might be.
Is the poet addressing himself in the second stanza?
- 'sweetest child' the inner child? It's the 'man to man' bit that suggests this to me, or perhaps the nephew has grown up?
Why 'bellies'? |
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 1st May 2008 | Thanks, Nathan. Regarding the second stanza it is the 'nephew' who has grown up.
'Bellies' simply because it sounds so much fatter than belly.
The father's lesson to the boy is that this uncle (jolly and red faced) is drunk - simple as that.
Thanks for reading and cheers. |
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