My first attempt at a story for children. As I'm totally inexperienced in this area, any advice or comment would be gratefully received.
My mum hates that cat.
She went to look at her new vegetable patch, and someone had dug up all the seeds and left a big smelly mess in the middle of the bed.
"Oh, that terrible cat!" said Mum.
My dad washed the car yesterday, but this morning there were black muddy pawprints all over the roof.
"Where's that horrible cat?" shouted Dad.
My brother was playing his guitar. That cat sat outside and went "MMMRRRRREOUWRRRRRROOUIRRRRRRR!!!". And it wasn't in tune.
"Get rid of that rotten cat!" yelled my brother.
My sister's dog hides under the bed and won't go outside, because that cat chased him up a tree.
"I can't stand that awful cat!" wailed my sister.
But when I sit and read, that cat comes and snuggles on my lap.
I love my cat.
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Name that Cat?
Written by edjones (14 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
I think children might enjoy that very much. My only suggestion would be to give the cat a name thereby creating an individual identity in the reader's mind. You could begin and end with the cat's name thereby establishing your special relationship while all non-lovers would simply
refer to 'that cat'. |
Give a cat a name.
Written by Katanga (727 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
I think this is superbly structured and would greatly appeal to children.
Ed's suggestion makes a lot of sense to me, and I think would be an improvement, bring the cat closer to the writer and the reader, and distancing it from the other members of the family. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
This reads like my boy's (5) picture books that both of us enjoy reading. A combination of family, animal and action story that makes both adults and children engage. Outrageously comical illustrations would make it even more entertaining. Lovely!
Mia  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3137 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
It reads very well as a kid's story. I think the repeated expressions of dislike build brilliantly and are just the sort of things children love. I'm sure this would appeal strongly to young kids who love to bond with pets.I think if you can stretch it out a bit more with assorted uncles, aunts and grandparents [and try and make the situations more ridiculous as it progresses] and find yourself a good illustrator, as mia says, then I reckon you've got a winner.
jane |
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
| Ainsel - Your story is very good. I could see this as a book for smaller children, but you must give your cat a name, - eg Terrible Tibbie. I could imagine a sentence a page with a picture opposite it. Why not try this on a blog page yourself? Very easy to do. |
Written by ainsel (40 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
Many thanks, everyone, for the kind remarks and suggestions. There seems to be a common thread about giving That Cat a name, so I'll give it some thought.
I had imagined it as a picture story, if I can find an illustrator. But I will do some more work on it first.
ainsel |
See!
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
I told you so !
and the dog being chased up the tree is a real hoot
Neither my wife (a well experienced reader of children's tales who thinks it 's great ) nor I would name the cat -- but she thinks that as it is very short you might add annother tale on another topic to the book .
Smug patterjack |
Hi, ainsel!
Written by Bagheera (679 comments posted) 29th April 2008 |
*sharpens claws*
No, not really! But my feline split/personality sometimes makes me threaten things just to get a reaction!! 
Not 100% certain giving the cat a NAME is the answer, but I could (almost) "hear" a rhythm demanding a rhyming format....
how would you feel about working this into a "pome" rather than a prose story?
On the other hand: I do agree that it deserves to be longer
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More thank you's
Written by ainsel (40 comments posted) 1st May 2008 |
Bagheera - your suggestion is interesting, but I'm not strong on writing structured poetry, so may be beyond me.
Patterjack - yes, alright! you always know best.
ainsel |
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