F.A. officials are looking into a claim that several top Premier League stars have brought the game into disrepute by failing to dive in the penalty area.

Senior F.A. official Alex Scott commented: We have been studying the footage from two recent games and feel that in some cases players remained on their feet when they clearly had ample opportunity to go down. If that is the case, then it is, without doubt, cheating, as it is almost impossible for a defender to deal with a player who blatantly refuses to fall over at the drop of a hat. Every week, top stars such as Drogba (Chelsea), Ronaldo (Man Utd) and Gerrard (Liverpool) work tirelessly to perfect bellyflops, pirouettes and the like, indeed young Ashley Cole has gone down so many times that his marriage to Cheryl Tweedy has been placed in jeopardy. It is even alleged that strapping young lad Wayne Rooney once went down, although his grandmother denies the claim.

We believe that a debt of gratitude is owed to the former Tottenham Hotspur players Jurgen Klinsmann and Sol Campbell who were forerunners in the art of going down. Although claims that they went down together are 'probably' unfounded.