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Stranger Love
By lovelysarah1984
30 April 2008
Inspired by a weave a word exercise I did.  I surprised even myself with this.  The words I had to use were truck, Florence, Afghanistan, minefield, asparagus, weeping willow, aeroplane, cricket, thunderstorm and winter.

Maybe you can have a go?

 Florence (or Flo as she would rather be known) glanced out of the aeroplane window.  Her stomach rolled.  That was stupid, she thought.  She wanted to check the seatbelt around her waist was tight enough, even though she could feel it digging into her, but she daren’t let go of the arm rests that she was currently indenting. 

The plane bounced around as it hit turbulence.  They were flying over a thunderstorm and the thunder rumbled up through the belly of the plane and was mirrored in hers.  Flo’s eyes screwed up tight until a light touch on her shoulder dared her to open one.
“Hey there.  You alright?”  The voice was gentle and kind.  The mouth it came from gave the same impression.  The lips were smiling and mobile and set into a tanned, weathered face.  Bright blue eyes sparkled and added to the boyish charm that he emitted.
“I’m okay thank you.  I’m not a good flyer.”  She grimaced and he chuckled quietly.
“I’d noticed.  Mind if I sit down?”  She shook her head.  He could see by the tension in her shoulders how scared she was.
“What’s your name?”  He held a packet of cigarettes in his hand and tapped the box with a finger as he spoke.
“Flo.”  She murmured.  He mouthed her name and thought it apt.  Flo, like her blonde hair flowed, a golden river down her back.
“I’m Jake.”  He leant over her to look out of the window.  “And here was me thinking things couldn’t get any worse.”  If had been possible Flo would have paled even more. 

Jake talked.  He talked about his home town and how his family were looking forward to seeing him after eight months away.  He talked until he could see Flo start to physically relax.  At one point she even turned to look at him and he saw a flash her hazel eyes.  She was pretty, Jake decided.  If only things could have been different.  A different time, a different place.  He might have asked her out for a drink.

“What was your role in Afghanistan?”  She  could guess most of his story but she wanted the details.
“Logistics.” He replied.
“Uh-huh.  Been a soldier long?”
“Long enough.  And right now I’d rather be steering my truck through a minefield than on this damned plane.  Think they’d mind if I smoked?”  He lit up anyway, not caring who was watching or what they thought. 

The plane was a small one, with only adults on board.  It was a military aircraft, ferrying those war related to and from the U.K.
“What about you?  No offence but you don’t exactly seem the fighting type.”  A dimple appeared on Flo’s face as she let a little half smile slip onto her face.
“None taken.  I’m a journalist.”  He nodded and was quiet.  

“Silly isn’t it, how, with everything that’s going on in the world and with everything that I’ve seen I’m still terrified of flying, of looking out of that window?  I don’t want to be scared of something so inane, it makes me feel silly. ”  She unclipped her belt and twisted in her seat to face Jake.  He didn’t look at her but continued to smoke.
“I find it comforting to have such a beautiful woman next to me,” he said quietly.  He looked her in the eyes and was surprised for a second time by the colour and brightness of them.  “I’d like to marry a woman that looks like you.”  He paused, studying her face as she looked up at him.  “What if it had happened, you and me?  How would you have liked to live your married life?”  He smiled at her, a wide and charming smile.  Flo was amused by the notion and contemplated.
“I would have loved to live in the countryside.  I could have made a living from writing articles for country life magazines about growing asparagus and keeping chickens.”  She laughed.  The sound of it echoed inside her own head and she was hit by a wave of melancholy.
“Would we have lived in a big house or a little run down cottage?” he asked.
“Oh a cottage definitely.  So much more character don’t you think?”
“I agree.  One with a stream that ran through the garden and a big weeping willow overhanging it.  I’d have prepared romantic, candle lit picnics under it for you.”  Jake took Flo’s chin in his hand and brought his face closer to hers.  A sob escaped from her chest, from her heart as it broke dreaming about things that were never going to be.
“We could have watched our children climbing it, hanging from the branches, paddling in the water in the summer.”  She closed her eyes as she spoke, picturing it all in her mind.
“I could have played cricket for the village team.  I’m quite partial to a game of cricket.”  She smiled and opened her eyes again to look at him.  He wiped her tears away with his thumb but still more fell.  He kissed her softly on her mouth and she felt the warmth of it flood through her. 

One of the hijackers walked up and down the aisle, a machine gun held in both hands, occasionally shouting at his comrades in Arabic.  Another that they couldn’t see yelled about being half an hour from target.  Even though they spoke in their mother tongue the people on board had spent enough time in the foreign land to understand what they meant. 

Sighing, Jake let his head rest back against the seat.  He pulled Flo into his arms and she buried her face into his neck, inhaling the scent of him, feeling the heat of him, noticing all the little things that a life time together would never have revealed.  Their fingers locked tight together and an outsider might have thought them a happy couple, truly in love.“Maybe in heaven.” She whispered. 

On a bitterly cold winter’s morning a plane fell from the sky with the rain.  London was gripped by panic and chaos.  There were no survivors.    

Reviews

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 30th April 2008
Wow, good story. I thought it was a bit of a girly Brief Encounter, then I was thinking she was a bit of a tart, and he was a bit soft, throwing themselves at each other. But then the reveal at the end threw it all into context. A very good twist. 
 
Saying you're fantastic isn't enough, though, so here's some criticisms: 
 
First, please put paragraphs in. People are going to be put off trying to read on monster chunk of text, which is a shame, because this is worth reading. I know the site editor can be a bit of a pain with formatting, but perservere. 
 
I’m o.k thank you. - either o.k. or (considered more correct by some) okay. 
 
Flo, like her blonde hair did, a golden river down her back. - this is a great line, good imagery, though somehow 'did' seems a little clumsy. Try substituting it with 'flowed'. 
 
he saw a flash her amber eyes. - (in) her amber eyes? BTW, can eyes be amber? not seen any myself (genuine question, I can't recall anyone with orange eyes) 
 
“I find it comforting to have such a beautiful woman next to me.” He said quietly. - next to me," he said, quietly. 
 
a little run down cottage?” He asked - he asked. I know it seems wrong, there being a question mark before it, but it's a continuation of the sentence 
 
Hope that helps. Good job
Thank you
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 30th April 2008
Have been sitting waiting nervously for a review but yours was very gentle so thank you! 
 
I didn't realise about the paragraphs, an oversight on my part. 
 
Will edit the said comments. I'm grateful for any help.  
 
Thank you again.
Great story
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 30th April 2008
I agree with Snoddy, it was a clever story and I'm glad I stuck with it. I did wonder if we were in Mills and Boon territory here and,not being a fan, I was tempted to leave it. But I was intrigued enough to read on. I know. there were a couple of little hints that there might be more but they were a bit vague. 
Because the beginning does read a bit like a "chick lit" encounter I would suggest that you layer in a few more hints at something darker. I know this is difficult without giving the twist away too soon but it would help raise the ante a bit in the earlier part. 
That said it was an addictive read and well told. For me the dialogue was the best part. It sounded believable and helped illustrate the characters 
A competent bit of storytelling 
jane

Written by Lizzy (783 comments posted) 30th April 2008
I'm not a fan of 'chick lit' so might have given up if I'd not read other reviews. A well told story and the end contrasts very well with the beginning. 
I did not suspect the end. 
Lizzy

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 1st May 2008
Gosh. Who would have expected that! I absolutely agree with the above. The chick-lit style might be an advantage in fact, for it makes the twist in the end more raw. Good piece.

Written by mia_ms_kim (975 comments posted) 1st May 2008
Liked this very much. Very touching and moving. (I don't think this is chick-lit style.) 
 
Mia ;)

Written by TwistedTales (544 comments posted) 2nd May 2008
First, I don't think the terrorists would allow any one to walk around like...so may be the guy could be just sitting next to her.... 
 
 
“What was your role in Afghanistan?” She could guess most of his story but she wanted the details. 
“Logistics.” He replied. 
“Uh-huh. Been a soldier long?” 
“Long enough. And right now I’d rather be steering my truck through a minefield than on this damned plane.  
“What about you? No offence but you don’t exactly seem the fighting type.” A dimple appeared on Flo’s face as she let a little half smile slip onto her face. 
“None taken. I’m a journalist.” He nodded and was quiet.  
 
Who's a journalist and who's the soldier...i guess the guy is the soldier and the lady is the journalist...i got confused.... 
 
2. She wanted to check the seatbelt around her waist was tight enough, even though she could feel it digging into her, but she daren’t let go of the arm rests that she was currently indenting.  
 
she....waist that was tight enough. It dug into her...but she still didn't let go of her arm rests...or something like that... 
 
I liked the concept...nice touch... 
 
I hope the comments help...and just for the record, I didn't think this was a chick-lit style either... :roll  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by coosh (844 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
The ending not only "saves" this story, it makes it a much better read second time around - i.e. for me it's more engaging with the knowledge of what's going to happen, since you start to notice the little details en route. A nice resonance to the end, a brief encounter and some private dreams disappearing in an explosion. A bit sceptical about the journalist, since the few war journalists I've met tend to be quite self-important and, in one case, pathologically optimistic... but that's probably not representative. Thoroughly enjoyed.
Thank you
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 6th May 2008
Thank you all for your lovely reviews and for all the tips and advice which have been noted and will be taken on board for further work which I hope will be arriving soon (if my brain decides to get off its you know what). 
 
Thank you! 
:grin
Great, but...
Written by AriadnePresident (11 comments posted) 19th May 2008
The title is great, the beginning got me interested, the voice is great, but you only have two errors that I have only found and they are: 
 
Quote:
Florence (or Flo as she would rather be known) glanced out of the aeroplane window.
 
 
You do not need the usage of parentheses when you are character, Florence. You can instead say Florence, or Flo as she would rather be known, glanced out of the airplane window. 
 
I was also wondering, why did you call the vehicle an aeroplane instead of an airplane? Aero means air, in case you were going to get fancy with the words. You should also add commas for sentences that need them. That way, the sentences will flow a lot better and your readers will not have a hard time reading them, because of their tiring, comma-less errors. 
 
Two:Quote:
That was stupid, she thought.
 
 
Whenever you characters think their own thoughts or what they imagined saying to other characters that may prove beneficial to the story, you should make their dialogue, not in quotation marks, however, but you should put them in italics.  
 
All in all, this was a good story that you wrote. Any comments and thanks to this story you can just give me a private message. Take care :) :) :) :)

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