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Light house
By marchant1219
21 November 2005
This was a personal freewriting exercise one day..... remember this is freewriting, no edits....I was going to turn it into a novel or a script, but I became victim to the "block".

As the night watchman faces east into the black forbidden seas, the light from the light house illuminates the night sky casting radiant rays among the dark emerging storm clouds. The choppy seas crash along the rocky impenetrable shoreline. The rays from the lantern flicker with each breath of wind. A chilling cold air causes the watch man to tighten and adjust his raincoat. A misty wind blows off the seas and comes to rest upon his hat. He wipes the moisture off his face with his free hand as he continues to search the surrounding area. He holds up the lantern and searches intensely as his dark bitter eyes strain to see in front of him. The moist grass is soft with each step. He maintains his balance through the wind and wet hilling ground. Closer and closer he walks to his destination.

 

Thunder cracks through the air above him as the lightning lights the night sky. He is startled and slips to the ground, the lantern tossed to the ground, the candle goes out.

 

The rain starts to grow stronger and he uses his forearm to cover his face from the beating rain drops. As he collects himself, he stands to his feet frantically looking around him for the lantern.

 

An orange glow from the light house brightens the sky. A relentless heat stops him. He falls back on his knees as his hands catch his body from the ground. He looks up, his eyes overwhelmed with tears and his mouth quivers with immense sadness. A stange blank stare engulfs his face.

 

 

He snaps from the trance and blinks his eyes. Sweat pours off his face. He stares at himself in the mirror and turns the water on. He cups his hands together as they fill up with water. He splashes his face and washes himself clean, reaches for a towel and dries off. He holds himself up with his arms as his hands hold the sides of the sink, takes a deep breath and closes his blue eyes. He proceeds to go back to bed.

 

 

The next morning he awakes. He looks over at the clock it reads "8:02am", sets his head back down, staring blankly at the ceiling. The business man grabs his robe; the dark green fury robe will keep him warm. He stands up and leaves his bed unmade and slides his feet into his bed slippers. He walks to the dresser where he grabs his silver watch and slips it on. The clasp makes a light snap sound. He walks to the door of the room and strolls down the sunlight lit hallways decorated with landscape painted pictures.

 

He reaches the end of the hall and opens the door to his office. He walks through the door and reaches his desk. He sits down in his brown leather chair and grabs his business planner.

 

His office is adorned with certifications, diplomas and achievements meticulously hung around the room telling the history of this man. The desk is magnificent and constructed of the finest woods. His desk is clean; all that sits on the desk is a monitor, a writing pad and a model of an early "Model T" Ford. To his right a bookcase lines the wall and houses encyclopedias and other resource material.

 

Thumbing through his planner he opens to today's date 11/24. He begins to see what he has planned. He leans back in his chair and puts his hands together, raises them to his lips and begins to think. He swings his chair around and gazes out the window. It is a sunny day.

 

 

A woman frantically scuttles around the bedroom looking for a shoe. She is in her early thirties and has flowing dark brown hair, her eyes are brown, and eyebrows are delicately shaped. She wears a light gray woman's business suit. The skirt is just above the knees and shows her tanned legs. The jacket matches the skirt, but stops at the waistline. She wears a white blouse underneath. She moves a towel from the floor and the shoe reveals itself. She gazes at her watch, "8:09 am".

 

 

A cell phone rings.

 

The woman struggles to find it.

 

 

The man gets up from his desk and walks out though to the hallway and makes his way to the kitchen. The kitchen is spotless and white. The tile is a black and white checker board pattern. The cabinets are white with no handles and a small window sits over the sink. The stove is next to the sink. The view out the window shows the driveway and the quite street. The man proceeds to mix up scrambled eggs, fry bacon and toast bread.

 

 

The woman drives through town in her SL500. She makes her way through the little town to her destination. Light jazz is playing on the radio.

 

A cell phone rings. The woman is agitated.

 

The woman hangs up the phone and the Mercedes glides down the road, leaves blowing and scattering behind the car as the big oak trees canopy the road.

 

 

The man finishes up cooking the last strip of bacon as he notices a car pull up in the driveway. He looks to see who it is and recognizes right away, he cracks a smile.

The woman makes her way around the back of the house to the porch. The scene opens up to a small inlet where sail boats paint the back drop. The sky is sunny and the wind is light, making it chilly. Cottages line the cove as fishermen pull up lobster traps that were set the previous day.

 

The man greets her at a sliding glass door that opens to the ocean. She makes eye contact and smiles. They embrace and kiss on the cheek. She makes her way around the sectional sofa that sits facing the cove; the wall is nothing but windows. The blinds are pulled back. The man grabs two plates and dishes out servings and walks his way toward a small table. There is a candle burning with two place settings. Rose petals decorate the table. She gets up and walks to the table as he pulls out the chair for her. She sits down as he moves the chair in. He proceeds to sit down. They both start eating. He tenderly grabs her hand from across the table. She looks up and he begins to speak.

 

 

A fishing boat out in sea becomes overwhelmed by a strong wave. A strong pelting rain beats down on fishermen as they scurry to keep the boat afloat. Dark clouds and strong winds tip the boat sideways. One man looks up and stares ahead motionless with his dark bitter eyes. He appears to be in a dream like trance. His grief stricken face turns to terror as the mast snaps like a twig and crashes down on one of the other fishermen. The man's leg is pinned down by the mast as the other fishermen rush over to help.

 

 

The woman jumps up out of her chair as the dishes make a crashing sound against the silverware. She runs over to him, grabs him and they rest on the couch.

 

 

The breeze blows by the open glass doors and the scene moves out toward the cove. It is a bright sunny day with a chilling breeze.

Reviews

Written by Krish (51 comments posted) 22nd November 2005
The sudden changes in setting and story threw me. Maybe you could seperate them with a -------- to make it easier on the reader. Also, I ended up confused with the plot . . . how is the story of the watchman related to the rest of it? 
 
The writing itself is a little awkward in places. You tend to use a lot of adjectives which personally I'm not a fan of. Your choice though. Once or twice it also falls into a list of consecutive actions and events. For example: 
 
"He reaches the end of the hall and opens the door to his office. He walks through the door and reaches his desk. He sits down in his brown leather chair and grabs his business planner." 
 
This is kind f monotonous to read. 
 
Overall not bad though, and an edit or two should clear it up.
Unblock
Written by Alice (64 comments posted) 24th November 2005
I think it's very brave of you to post a freewriting exercise, and I think it works. I like the strong imagery of the story. I take it by 'block' you mean that you have little idea of direction, structure or plot, etc.  
As I was reading the story, I brainstormed my initial thoughts and any words that came to mind. These ran along the lines of "chiller/thriller story or the character could be a Jekyll and Hyde type character. There has been a gruesome murder. Was it his wife. Is the woman his secret lover and is she involved? Is he an amateur detective or an intellectual gone mad? 
I don't know if this is the sort of help you need, but if you want any more help with this, I will gladly sit around and talk ideas all day.  
 
Alice
there's a lot here
Written by kevinrobson73 (371 comments posted) 2nd December 2005
you can obviously write well and demonstrate a vivid imagination 
what would you like to do with this piece? 

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