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| Miracle Provider | |
| By Nick | ||||||
| 30 April 2008 | ||||||
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Just something about loss and impatience. As always comments much appreciated. I've been waiting for a miracle – one that was promised to me but has never arrived. I'm getting tired, I can feel it in my bones. The weariness that only comes from complete and utter dedication. Why did he see fit to break that promise, made when I was only 5 years old. I've never forgotten that moment. The excitement I felt at being told something so amazing. I've held onto hope for as long as I can but time always wins in the end. We are fools to think otherwise. I now know I was sold on a myth, a flat out lie. Can I hate the person who told me, when he believed the same lie – is that fair? The things I have done on this promise would make a normal person sick. I thought I was right, I thought others had it wrong and their lack of belief in the miracle haunted me. I had to make them believe – by force if necessary – it was for their own good. The years fell by and I slowly realised that my miracle would never come – The more I contemplated, the more I realised that things didn't add up. My miracle provider told me not to worry and that only the truly intelligent knew what all the words meant. I should have known then, but I ignored the insult and just kept waiting. I just want to know the truth. Is that really to much to ask for? Is there ever going to be a miracle or will I just wait in vain for my faith to run dry. Maybe I should just live my life and forget about the whole thing. Would it be that great anyway? Should I trade my whole life just to witness the miracle or is my life worth more than that? Somewhere along this journey the doubts started to form but I pushed them into the deep dark place in my mind where only the bad things lived. I always returned to the words spoken that first day. Over the years they have provided me with comfort and security but in the end they were only words. They held no meaning to me anymore. At times I desperately tried to deny my lack of belief but I knew deep down I was losing my faith. A lifetime wasted, 15 years old and still no miracle........
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