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WASHINGTON — General Scroteus announced today that the US military in Iraq had scored a stunning coup over insurgent forces, taking out over three dozen figures of high standing in surgical air strikes across that troubled land.
“We recognized that our tactics up until now have not been the ones necessary to meet with this kind of unqualified success,” said the General. “It’s not, as has commonly been supposed, that our ‘smart’ bombs are worthless, unreliable, hideously overpriced pieces of garbage, or that our pilots are arrogant, malicious, borderline sociopaths; no. It’s just that they’re all dyslexic. So by switching the targets from the insurgents themselves to guys in donkey carts transporting vegetables, kids on swing sets, and wedding parties, we achieved just the opposite effect: accidentally killing the insurgents.”
General Scroteus explained away the 17,241 associated civilian casualties in the raid by claiming that they were all suspected of attempting to acquire weapons of mass destruction, probably using donkey carts, swing sets, and wedding presents in their construction. “It had to be done,” the General said. “Can you imagine what would happen if such people acquired the requisite technology to just go wherever they wanted in the world, take what they pleased, and murder millions of their fellow human beings in an utterly uncaring and indiscriminant manner, placing themselves above all reach of earthly justice? The whole globe would be at the mercy of monsters; exactly the kind of behaviour you’d expect from a bunch of arrogant, malicious, borderline sociopaths.”
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Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 2nd May 2008 | Neatly told. Do you think even George W would see the irony in this?
Phil |
Written by andybyers (170 comments posted) 2nd May 2008 | | "George W"? Do you mean the current president, or the first one? :D |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 3rd May 2008 | | The current cabbage. In the UK, George Bush senior is usually referred to as George Bush. George junior goes by many names, almost all of them accurately insulting. He is politely referred to as George W to distinguish him from his father. |
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