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Poetry
Electric Beast
By patterjack
03 May 2008
I was jokingly challenged to write an ode to my red devil of an electric scooter. I began it some  time ago, and just today found some few lines.  So I added to them rather than let them blush unseen on desert air.  There are a couple of other thoughts lurking that might be added later.



Electric  Beast

The three wheeled beast is feeding,  lying quiet
leashed by a cord to its plug upon the wall ;
not like Eliot's taxi,  throbbing, waiting,
but caged within its underground garage den.

Its master comes to bring it forth and then
stands for a moment quietly contemplating  
whether the beast unchained might leap to maul  
those victims that are favourites in its diet.

Beware you children, dogs and frail old ladies !
Clear its path, or be consigned to Hades!

Reviews

Written by Brett (1009 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
Wonderful stuff. This has cheered me up. I love the rhyme scheme. Some great lines here... 
 
'...the beast unchained might leap to maul 
those victims that are favourites in its diet.' 
 
And what a closing couplet! Nice one. 
 
Cheers
Beats a Grecian urn
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
So you've got one of those, have you?  
It's not just frail old ladies that need to beware round here.  
On Friday mornings Clifton Market is like Death Race 2000 with those things. 
I can just imagine you astride yours with a Death Mask icon on the handlebar and 'Born to be Wild" blaring out. Do you have a scoring system for pedestrians? 
I loved this for the wild dangerous brio of it and the devil-may-care attitude. There's a really subversive sense of humour showing that is very attractive 
jane

Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
Enjoyed this. The humour works well. 
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (769 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
Ah, pj, it is a good job you can laugh at fate! 
 
I loved the way you did the rhymes on this, it was very subtle and beautifully done. An unusual and poignant poem. I might have to write a matching ode to my sports car, but I love it too much to get all the joy of it into 10 lines.
Shocked
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 3rd May 2008
That reviewers should like the piece  
Thank you all -- makes it worth while hacking together the stray bits and pieces on my TextEdit file . 
 
patterjack

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 4th May 2008
This piece made me smile. My boy is often in danger of being run over by one of those in the shopping centres because he is so overactive. I think elderly people should celebrate by organising races, and wearing cool gears to go with their vehicles etc as bbs says. The second half of the poem reminded me of my mother's friend, whose driving is so bad, that her husband practically warns other drivers to get off the road when his wife is on it. She once missed the driveway of her house and mowed down the low brick fence. She once ploughed into her husband's car in the driveway, which was stationary. In fact, she runs into parked cars regularly!  
 
Mia :grin

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