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Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
Not with the title, wt - but then I'm never 100%.
There's a lot I like about this - but it was hard getting close in the first place because of lack of clarity regarding who speaks when. When I'd got that straightened out, I really liked it. For me, a clear case for punctuation - ie/ it'd add to the meaning not detract. That, I suspect, may not be your intention. Still, depends on what level you want to communicate to how many people. Your call, clearly not mine.
Phil |
phil
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
you are right regarding punctuation...had the urge initially...
the title suggest our experience of the passage of time, and our sense of disorientation which results from our measuring "progress" in material ($) terms... |
Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
I think this is much more accessible - communicates clearly.
After another read, I like it more.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
| The content was nice, the form less. Somehow the flow seemed to be interrupted quite often. Yet I liked the mist. |
fledermaus
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
yes I revised once more
by the way what does fledermaus mean?
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Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
Eye for an eye - what about wt, oh vowelless one?
BTW. I prefer the old edit.
Interrupted flow That'll be all that punctuation you insisted on putting in. 
Phil |
Phil
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
Die Fledermaus (The Bat or literally, The Flutter-mouse) is a comic operetta composed by Johann Strauss II to a German libretto by Carl Haffner and Richard ...
Eye for an Eye
Hm
Je ne pense pas cher ami
wt is short for pacifist
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Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
| You don't think what? (French is another weakness.) |
phil
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
i don't think that an eye for an eye is the relevant "contextual" depicter here phil.
i rather hold the view that compassion is an essential ingredient to enlightenment you see...
but that's another story; if you are interested that is?
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Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
| Would I read and take the trouble to comment if I wasn't? |
Pretentious, Moi?
Written by Katanga (1552 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
I kind of liked, but didn't understand, this poem.
By the way, how is 'wt' short for 'pacifist'?
Or is this an obscure joke?
Cheers! John |
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th May 2008 |
Not at all John,
Bernie was is/a soldier you see (hope you don't mind my bringing you into this maipenrai) and now he works on humanitarian aid/ economic development, or whatever...
His heart tells him one thing while his certainty, tells him another
The age old Question here posed: can the rudimentary art of war ever transform a man, into mother
Phil to be continued I hope
Good Night
wt
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