why can't you hit me with your rhythm stick
nor with your instinct intent or metered trick
is it because you have naught to say
and your neo-impressionist portrait is grey
devoid of colour or relevance or a nervous tic
what are you bard or farce or or into duplication for a tic
great writing projecting directionless sway
excuse me for being blunt your verse resonates of bray
only because the night leaves no echo
save the owl that hunts mice
in dreams of exasperated release
i tumble and stumble upon corpses
scattered across fields
where martyrs recited the Gospel and Koran
books where rhythm and rhyme
left your muses bare
slaughtered
on empty plains of nothingness
i lay claim
to an end i can grasp
at the tip of my fingers
life, death
Khalaas
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
wt
You can write good stuff when you put your mind to it. But you seem to prefer commenting on other people's work in your own verses. Perhaps a sterile form of art?
The comments generally go here, in the review section! Not that I would presume to constrain you in any way from expressing yourself. |
verrorica
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
interesting that you would take things personally veronica
am not sure exactly where you figured this into the equation....
constrain me from expressing myself...yeah !
As far as I am concerned this is not about making friends through petty insecurities, irrespective such is the price paid...
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Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
God, if only you would.
Not for the first time you seem to have chosen to pass comment on the content of GW through your verse. Nothing wrong with that - I've done it myself once or twice.
However, you hide and disguise. Perhaps a poor pleb like me is just not bright enough to see through the veil you almost always cast over your words - verse and commentary.
Often - and of course, this could just be a misinterpretation on my part - there's a sense of superiority in your words and an eagerness to clash. No matter though - it's not as if we're married, is it? (For the record, it has nothing to do with any sense of inferiority I may have.)
Phil |
Phillip
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
phil i know your intentions are good
this time however you knew that you would
please don't get upset if I may
You are better than to err in this way
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Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
You know nothing of the sort.
Don't understand the second line.
If you may what?
Not erring - commenting.
See what I mean? Hide, disguise, veil.
One L BTW.
Phil
|
oops
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
| Not upset either |
phil lip
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
i know
|
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
I'm used to not understanding your poems but now I can't even understand the reviews.
What's occurring? |
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
Jane Darling
It's like this you see
it all turns in circles
then when it's your turn
you find that your cup is broken
sort of zen
but not quite
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Written by Brett (731 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
I can understand the first stanza ( but even there you - a 'poet' who rallies against structure uses the word naught - a fine word and one that I have used myself, but it does seem a liitle out of place in your opted style).
I found after the second stanza that the entire poem collapsed - this has nothing to do with meter or form - just simply in itself. As for your reply to Jane:
sort of zen
but not quite
is this just not another example of your clouding ideas in the hope someone may find them intellectual?
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brett
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
Sherlock holmes you once pondered
sure to be expected
non the more
verse poet wonder
or merely watson
what son
any longer
true spirit you expose
too bad as long as your dog's trail
it only wonders
|
wt
Written by Brett (731 comments posted) 6th May 2008 |
Touche! or should that be touchy?
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Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 7th May 2008 |
Hi wt,
This is all very weird.
I think I’ve made enough obscure, veiled criticisms in my own stuff, that I can’t really get too uptight about this, a little bit of karma perhaps. Mind you, intention is everything, and I’ve never intended a personal attack at anyone on here.
Not sure what your intention is…personal attack, trying to stir things up, puncture pretension with an onslaught of it’s own medicine or maybe even trying to goad me into writing better poetry???
In one of your comments you reply:
‘As far as I am concerned this is not about making friends through petty insecurities, irrespective such is the price paid... ‘
…but I’m none the wiser. Are you being deliberately obscure or are you simply unable to express yourself clearly?
I must admit you had flown under my radar up to now, but you’ve introduced yourself quite forcefully here (nice tactics). On the surface, I seem to be under attack, or at least my poem, or are you using my poem as a template to address yourself? If it’s the latter, then it’s a little bit underhand of you not to mention that in the intro.
My poem was a quick exercise in viewpoint (the meaning addressing the author – not very original), which, in hindsight, didn’t really go anywhere and the subject was tacked on to a fixed form just for the sake of having a go at a fixed form. I posted it to get some feedback on the use of meter and form, maybe pick up some tips and also because I find that posting stuff helps me to move on from it. In other words, I was aware that it was at best an average effort, my greatest crime being laziness.
As for it having ‘naught to say’, that was kinda implicit. Who knows, I may be saving the things I have to say for more considered pieces… or I may just have nothing to say. Does a poem have to have something to say?
I’m not sure why you felt so strongly about it that you had to write this.
On the other hand you’ve kinda forced me to react to your piece as it would seem churlish of me not to.
Far from being blunt and straightforward , your poem is quite obscure and clouded …a grey ‘neo-impressionist portrait’ isn’t any sort of put-down in my book, if that’s the intention…it just makes me think of Whistler, not a bad comparison (if it was appropriate).
As for, ‘what are you bard or farce or or into duplication for a tic’…Hmmm, again, if it’s addressed at me or my poem, I’d have to say probably closer to farce or anything relating to tongues and cheeks. I certainly have no ambition to emulate The Bard, as I don’t even like him.
Duplication? Do you mean you, duplicating the theme of a poem that addresses it’s author? If so, then it’s quite clever, but just as pointless as mine.
Or, do you mean using a fixed-form template? That’s not duplicating any more than Picasso was duplicating Rembrandt or the Stones were duplicating the Blues. It’s just a framework, or at most a genre.
‘why can't you hit me with your rhythm stick
nor with your instinct intent or metered trick’
I’ve asked much the same question in my poem ‘notes on a possible poem about a recollection’. Fixed meter and an inflexible rhythm often leave me cold (but I'm not going to get dogmatic about avoiding them).
‘excuse me for being blunt your verse resonates of bray’
Well, yeah, comparing a verse to the noise emitted from an ass is pretty blunt, but still not very clear or coherent. If you thought it was shit, and you see some point in letting me know, then be up-front and just let me know (preferably with some clear and informed reason).
As for the remaining lines of your poem, I quite like them (and no, I don't want to be your friend!). I’m not sure how it relates to the first two verses. It mentions ‘empty plains of nothingness’…the modern world, maybe, littered with the corpses dreaming of release from it’s dull, grey monotony with ‘nothing to say’??
Khalaas…I had to look up. A rough translation would be ‘let it be’?
If so, wise words.
|
nathan roberts
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 7th May 2008 |
Hi There
Actually my piece had nothing whatsoever to do with your work.
I just took your title to further a point I have been trying to make
Other than that commonality I don't know what gave you the impression that this was a critic of your work as there is no reference to your writing whatsoever.
As far as Khalaas is concerned, the correct translation is nearer to salvation than to "let it be"
The purpose of my work: it is a critic of (what I feel is) the irrelevance of the work on this site to current "events". (not that it need be political...a heartfelt expression of today's human condition would suffice)
I am actually now not sure how versed (excuse the pun again) the people using this site are on the socio-politico-economic role of poetry historically ...or it could just be me...maybe I am being too romantic, or maybe it is I who is not in touch with the times...or perhaps this is just not the bunch of "poets" that has anything of substance to say...
They will probably get defensive...but I just think that they risk becoming immersed in the shallowest most decadent and pretentious sort of art for art's sake
Regards
Wt
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Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 8th May 2008 |
‘I don't know what gave you the impression that this was a critic of your work as there is no reference to your writing whatsoever.’
It was very negative and was posted straight after mine with a direct reference in it's title. You really expect me to believe that it did not cross your mind, even for a second, that I might get the wrong impression?
‘Actually my piece had nothing whatsoever to do with your work.’
This is priceless.
Either you are backtracking and essentially lying, or you are totally clueless with regards basic psychology and human sensibilities.
Either way, it doesn’t bode well if you’re planning to win hearts and minds and create honest life-changing poetry that touches on all the complexities of the human condition.
So, what you’re saying is that I was just an innocent victim in your crusade against all the other shallow, decadent, pretentious, substance-less, insecure, arty -farty and generally out-of-touch writers on this site.
Do you really think they’ll ‘probably get defensive’? Wow, such insight into the workings of the human mind!
‘ I just took your title to further a point I have been trying to make’
Next time you do that to someone, at least have the decency and basic manners to point out your aims and intentions in the intro.
Without the slightest trace of an apology for wasting my time (again, common decency), you then go on to state the grand ‘purpose of your work’, which, as far as I can make out, is to criticise others, either with hugely judgemental generalisations, obscure poetry or slightly childish riddles.
Good luck with that.
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Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 9th May 2008 |
Quote: Perhaps this is just not the bunch of "poets" that has anything of substance to say...
So why not find yourself another site to play on?
Quote: I just think that they risk becoming immersed in the shallowest most decadent and pretentious sort of art for art's sake.
Having read a good deal (and having chosen to ignore a great deal) of your 'Poetry' -"pretentious sort of art for art's sake"- Pot and kettle, springs to mind!
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 9th May 2008 |
| But like a swimming pool; the noise is always at the shallow end |
More Meaningless Stuff...
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 10th May 2008 |
...never a more apt title; do YOU have anything intelligible to say? Unless I'm missing your point, I dont see anything of value in your poetry yet you seem to be criticising people/work on this site! I agree with mr e writer; if you dont like it why waste your time here?
"They will probably get defensive...but I just think that they risk becoming immersed in the shallowest most decadent and pretentious sort of art for art's sake"
My, you certainly take yourself seriously! Lighten up!
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oops...
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 10th May 2008 |
...sorry I got you mixed up with someone else whose work I dont think much of, I actually like yours! However I still think you shouldn't waste your time on this site if you dont like it!  |
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