Great Writing - Home > Poetry > trouble sleeping
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1914 guests online and 9 members online
Poetry
trouble sleeping
By no1butClo
07 May 2008

Couldn't remember if I'd posted this before; I didn't find it in my existing work but that doesn't mean it's not lurking somewhere... Anyway, here goes. Enjoy Laughing

P.S. I don't think this quite goes as far as I want it to, does it feel unfinished? Is it too fragmented?


P.P.S. (7/5/08 - post publishing) THANKYOU Jane for pointing out that typo, it has been ammended, but my shame is gonna take some time to shift... Embarassed


Semi-conscious, the rain outside
seems distant, part of a dream.
 
Wind chimes cut through the noise
of my airways, I hear them play a tune
to the heart-felt rhythm in my head.

I creep awake to find more than one
insomniac listening in this bed.

Your eyes don't startle me;
it's the beat of your pulse on the bed-frame
that refuses to weave in.

I can't sleep, or forget you're here.

Reviews
As with the other
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 7th May 2008
I like this -- good progression of thought and image . 
 
And the breaks are all in the right places :grin  
 
patterjack

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3139 comments posted) 7th May 2008
Not unfinished but a bit tentative;as if you were skirting round what you wanted to say, to my ear. But I have been known to trample over the subtleties of poetry in my quest for meaning. 
A typo in the last line,or have I read it wrong?  
jane

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item