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| My Button Has a Theory | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||
| 07 May 2008 | ||||||||
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I often encounter inanimate objects that have opinions. When this occurs, I feel it's only fair I hear them out.
My Button Has a Theory
Today, I dressed in cargo shorts, flip-flop sandals, and a pullover, short-sleeved, white shirt with a collar. The shirt did not have a designer emblem on its front or back; I generally hate giving large companies advertising space for free. There were three buttons on the shirt, all of them near the neck. I never wear shirts buttoned all the way up; it is much too restrictive for me. Neither do I wear shirts unbuttoned below the second button; that seems to be a sign of a man who is trying to hard. The two-out-of-three button arrangement is the style I prefer on sports shirts. Shortly after I finished buttoning the two lower buttons, the middle one spoke to me. “What’s up with all these twigs and leaves on the floor,” it asked. “The Cheegle brings them in,” I answered. The Cheegle is one of the dogs that resides at my house; she is a Chihuahua-beagle mix. “You know,” my button went on, “I don’t get out of the closet that often, but it seems to me that little dog is acting like a bird that is gathering material for a nest.” I was a little surprised my button knew about bird nesting; it had never mentioned the subject before. “I think you’re right,” I said, “and I think that is very perceptive of you.” “I have a theory,” said the button. “Yeah, what’s your theory?” “Well,” said the button with great authority, “by observing all the dogs that live with you, I think a case can be made that dogs evolved from birds. All I have is empirical evidence, but it seems to me to be a plausible theory.” “To be honest,” I told the button, “I believe your theory is rather daft. I think the prevailing scientific belief is that dogs evolved from wolves.” “That’s true,” my button said, “as far as it goes. But, you need to go back further than wolves. Where did wolves come from?” “Wolverines?” “Very funny. Wolves came from dinosaurs who came from birds, ergo, your dogs are birds.” “Get out of here. The six dogs that live at this house came from a shelter.” “You’re not taking this seriously, are you?” “Not very. No offense, but you are only a button after all.” “I understand. Uh, you might want to take a look at the dog bed in the corner. I think the Cheegle laid an egg.”
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