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| Gophers Killed My Writing | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 10 May 2008 | ||||||||||||||||||||
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The essayist in me was just about to come out when....
Gophers Killed My Writing
I’ve been fighting some seriously hot and humid Texas ennui, but I was determined to sit down at the computer this morning and write. My plan was to write an essay about why I am so disenchanted with my county at the moment. Sure, I was going to rant about George Bush and his gang of thieves, predators and uber-Nazis, but as bad as our president is, I wasn’t going to lay all the blame for America’s decline on him. I was also going to lament the sad fact that the Democratic Party that charged into a majority in Congress a year and a half ago has done nothing but jerk off the American public. I was going to fire burning arrows at the crumbling economy, educational idiocy, and the sad state of medical coverage. But, I wasn’t going to stop at taking potshots at Republicans and Democrats or any other political party. I had a lot of arrows to sling at the American public for putting up with all this crap. Points were going to be made about how we sit around with iProducts shoved in our heads watching imploding starlets on television while political candidates put on dog and pony shows. It was going to be good stuff, and you would have probably said, “Jeez, that Mike can write his ass off, and he’s damn erudite and insightful.” Unfortunately, as I sat down at the computer in my office, I opened the sliding glass door so the dogs could easily come and go to the pool. When I did sit down, I heard a weird noise, turned towards the door and saw a small group of gophers, about 10 or 12 of them. They were carrying tiny swords and wore headgear that resembled a buffalo’s skull. Even in my world, it was an unusual sight. Before I could utter a sound, one of the diminutive creatures stepped forward, raised his sword, and said, “We are Viking gophers from hell, and we command you not to write.” What could I do? The dogs were no help. In fact, they were hiding under the deck. It was too damn hot to get into a melee with armed rodents, so I surrendered. “Hey,” I said, “no problem. Look, I’m turning off the computer.” When they saw the screen flicker and die, the Viking gophers retreated, shouting Norwegian war cries and scurrying through the back fence. I’m sorry you had to miss a great essay.
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...and you went..'sure I am switching the PC'...not happening....i really enjoyed till that point...so i guess we would never get to read the masterpiece...in the end...'I’m sorry you had to miss a great essay' - miss out on a great essay? 
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