Just barely – holding on that is.  Literally by my finger tips.  It feels like I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff and there is a storm coming.  One hand is gripping the cold, unforgiving surface for dear life and the other hangs limply by my side.  Sweat is pouring down my face and into my eyes.  Nothing else matters but the here and now.  Nothing I have done with my life, or will do, can make any difference now.  I just have to keep hanging on and hope someone will rescue me.

    When I look down all I see is the black abyss below.  If my tiring fingers let go of the edge, I will slip silently into the darkness.  Will anyone even notice?  Why do we only contemplate our life when it is soon to be ended?  I have done nothing remarkable with my time.  I've spent most of my life straining to achieve anything that meant I wasn't average but what can be more normal than death.

    I can feel my fingers starting to slip, there just slowly sliding off the cliff.  I may have less than a minute left to live and all I can think about is the one person I told “I love you” to and all the while I knew deep down it was a lie.  It is without a doubt the cruelest thing I have ever done.

    My little finger has just lost it's grip and I know the rest are close to following but you know what – I don't care.  I think it's maybe time to abandon my foolish notions of hope and just let go.  Be brave, fall into the abyss and see what happens.  I not sure how this course of action will unfold but it sure as hell beats the shit out of hanging around here all day.

    I let go and nothing happens.  I seem to be suspended in mid-air.  Time is motionless, the coming storm clouds have disappeared.  A woman has materialised at the edge of the cliff.  She is beautiful, light is radiating from her every pore, Is she an angel?  She bends down and whispers in my ear the only words that could save me now.  I look back at her, confusion written over my face and she repeats in her heavenly voice “it's okay Ben, I'm not pregnant”.