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Poetry
Unquoted
By patterjack
12 May 2008
Unquoted

Back then, about a year ago,  you said ...

But I will not quote it here verbatim.
The words that promised much by now are dead.
Colder words replaced them,  bleak and   grim.

After those harsh words,  too  swiftly spoken,
long silences extend in widening gaps;                         
threads of nothingness that can't be broken,                         
scaffoldings of nullity that collapse.

And from those ruins nothing can arise
unless the site is razed until it's bare
and some new architect is able to devise
a fresh design to be constructed there.          

But for this time the wasteland stretches where
small beasts thrive in the rubble of despair.

Reviews
Poor you!
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 12th May 2008
You do sound "down" in this one Brian. I think we've all had friendships (or more) that went this way somewhere in life. This piece is bleak indeed. 
 
I am puzzling over the two lines: 
threads of nothingness that can't be broken,  
scaffoldings of nullity that collapse.
 
 
which seem to me to be contradictory - one kind of nothingness that can't be broken and one that collapses?
metaphysical images
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 12th May 2008
I hope they are , anyway !  
 
And like such images , they take a lot of working out ( and sometimes on and usually over or through :grin ) till the stage is reached of realising they are basically inexplicable. 
 
I sort of know what they mean myself , but ... 
 
It would take a novel length exegesis I fear 
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 12th May 2008
In some ways you've summed up one purpose (not definition) of poetry: 'It would take a novel length exegesis I fear
 
You do sound a little bleak in this one - tone and language used. Sounds personal - so I'll not comment further. 
 
Phil

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 19th May 2008
Interesting. I like the ending, very imaginative and contrasts nicely with the rest of the piece. I did trip up on the "scaffolds of nullity" though, seems like a metaphor stretched too far. Feel like you could do with a more direct beginning too, such as "Back then, you said-" incorporated into the first line, or even just "You said-". All in all I like the friendship/construction metaphor.

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