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Poetry
Who Drank the Herbal Tea?
By Daphnerules
12 May 2008
This poem is for fellpony hope you like it !!!Tongue out
This poem is all about family drinking herbal tea and ending up in some strange world.........

I'm sitting in the tree,

Mum's drinking herbal tea,

But she didn't want to finish off.


She asked Dad about it,

He took a sip around it, and lay on the bed.

Still reading in my tree,
My sis came to thee,
Wanting to have a drink,
Unaware of this but,
Not knowing this but,
She took a slurp,
The out came a burp

Grandad came along,
Singing his funny song,
Whistling to his happy tune,
Wanting a drink,
He finished it off with a wink
The world has spun around

A mixture of colours,
Blur to one and others
Separate spaces.

Grandad was on a table,
One with a big label,
Doctors surrounding him,
Using one big knife,
They took half a slice,
Grandad's world was dead.

Sister had a boyfriend she drove him round the bend,
This time no more,
Screens all around her,
Clocks all beside her,
Bewilderment in her face,
Clocks started chiming,
She was not surving the drumming burst out loud.

Dad was a good boy,
Wealthy little soul boy,
His world the worng way round,
He was in a jungle,
The volcano started to rumble,
Running for his life,
Seeing a lion,
He called out Ryan!
A parrot was by his side,
Covered in lava, not a survivor,
The ash hit a stop.

Mum was in a tree,
Scrathing her knee,
Painting her toe nails,
Looking in a mirror,
Seeing no shimmer,
Her face turned to pure hell,
Fangs were arising,
It wasen't too surprising,
To see the look on her face,
Horns were popping out,
Soon her nose became a spout,
Her look was vile to be seen.

But me sitting in a tree,
I drank no herbal tea,
All I see is words.
Sitting in a tree was quite boring for me,
So i took a sip of herbal tea...........






Reviews

Written by fellpony (1520 comments posted) 16th May 2008
It's very long, Daphne. It might help if you shortened it a bit. Seems to me, some of the lines are only there to make a rhyme, eg Seeing a lion, He called out Ryan! ; they don't carry your story forward. Sometimes you use rhyme, sometimes you don't; that feels a bit sloppy. 
 
Did you spell-check before you posted? eg, wasen't, worng, surving.  
 
Watch out for changing tense - eg, All I see is words. Sitting in a tree was quite boring.  
 
Some of it doesn't make sense: eg, She was not surving the drumming burst out loud.  
 
The ideas are in there and could be funny, but you haven't quite got them into the right shape yet.

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