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Poetry
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Dung Beetle, My Love!
By Katanga
13 May 2008

Just a bit more fun!

I owe the 'lots of direct speech' idea to Josie - Please see her brilliant 'Midnight Attack' in the children's section!

I intended this for the above-mentioned children's section, but then it got a bit heavy:

Just a try for a one-liner:

"The Child Within is Stronger than the Adult Without."

Hmmmmmm? Have fun!

Cheers!

Comments welcome - I wilt without them!

John X



Beetle, my Love?

"There's a dung beetle in my kitchen!"
"Oh yes?" - "Oh no! Oh no!"
"What on Earth shall I do with it?
I mean - it has to go!"

"Put it in a matchbox, Dear,
And open the back door -
Slide the matchbox open and
We won't see it anymore!"

"I can't! I can't!" my wife replied
Shaking where she stood
"I've tried and tried and tried and tried!
It just won't do any good!"

I finally came to the rescue
And cupped him in my hand -
Gave him back to the grateful Earth . . .
Now, where does our Love stand?

Reviews

Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 13th May 2008
John: I think I can well imagine that your English lessons are quite unique. Do you get them to learn these poems off by heart the night before and during your lesson they perform them? What a curious vocabulary in English they will be getting. Quite different to Tourist English I think. ha ha. This is really good. I think I may be thrown off GW if I keep encouraging you - but I have to say "Really Good" in my opinion. Very funny.
Keep Encouraging!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 13th May 2008
Hello Josie! Thanks! 
 
No way will they throw you off GW for encouraging me, unless, of course, I become utterly unacceptable! Which I may, inadvertently, become capable of being . . . 
 
If you look at my recent piece of 'Poetry', In Every Hollow, you may detect my 'practical joke', which might make me unpopular? 
 
If you get it, please don't let on . . . If you don't get it, I shall explain in due course . . . 
 
Not really your thing, I think? But I never know! 
 
There's enough clues for you! 
 
It's actually very mean of me, but such fun! 
 
Yo! 
 
John X :grin
re: beetle
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 14th May 2008
John, 
 
A very clever piece, and nice message too. 
 
I would say remove all the quotation marks. I think the poem would be better without them. The sense of two people talking will still come through.  
 
3rd stanza seems a bit weak; I sense you had most trouble getting a rhyme in there. I suggest working on that part more -- it is the "hinge" of the poem and must be very strong, almost strong enough to stand on its own. I think "I tried and tried and tried and tried" detracts from the cleverness -- is overkill (no punn). 
 
I recommend removing the word "finally" in 4th stanza as it doesn't really help the flow. The actual meaning of "finally" lends the idea of a length of time that is monotonous -- I think a quicker pace in the last stanza moves time forward and seems less inevitable.  
 
Nice words, 
 
thanks 
BW
BW - Thank you!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 14th May 2008
Thank you, BW, for your kind words and thoughtful advice! 
 
Re Stanza 3: How about: 
 
''I've tried and tried!" - she almost cried - 
 
Re 'finally': How about: 
 
I quickly rushed to the rescue 
 
Hmmm! I'll keep pondering, and may edit accordingly! 
 
Cheers! Very helpful of you! 
 
John

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