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Science Fiction and Fantasy
The Riverboat Wrangler: Part 1
By Mr_E_Writer
14 May 2008





.






Thick black smoke billowed into the cool, blue afternoon air as the paddle steamer 'Wilton Weaver' eased away from the old wooden jetty at Broadloom Weft.
   At the gaming table, Rogue Tuft threw his carpet bag on the floor and slid onto a Chesterfield. "Double down on a black and face-up the red queen to an ace."
   "I'll cover that bet," said Desiree Desire, self appointed Madam of the riverboat queens.
   Rogue looked up with contempt. "I don't need no rent lady bailing for me. If my mung's not good enough I'll wager my bet at another table."
   "Cool your 'tude," said the dealer, passing Rogue three new cards and a cube of best chewing hemp. "My table's open to all who can pay their distance."
   Rogue studied his hand, his steely blue eyes and rugged features concealing the fact that he sat on a bouncing flush with red jacks on the side. It was a win win hand that would pay his way to the end of the river. Rogue followed the dealer's advice and played it cool. "I'll raise a fifty and pass to the left."
   Berber Bob raised an eyebrow. "Sunlike you ta fole on a wager s'weasy, Rogue. Y'am trine ta be bluffen me? Should never bluff de bluffer."
   "And never talk with your cards open," said Rogue and went for his Williamson.
   "Easy, boys," suggested the barkeep, waving a splattergun towards the green baize. "I wouldn't want to send none of you fellas for no crocodile bath iffen yous fulla holes." 
   Rogue reached for the wedge pile at the centre of the table. "Then I believe that I'll just take my winnings and take my leave, gentlemen."
   "Not so fast, Rogue," said Desiree and clubbed him across the back of the head with a slogger.
 
   When Rogue awoke he found himself tied to a bed and surrounded by unshaven rent runners in matching pink dresses. He knew instinctively that his pockets were empty and his holsters bare. With no guns (an no mung with which to pay for his release), Rogue was at the mercy of the riverboat lady-boys. The game had been a double bluff and now it was his cards that were on the table.
 
   Rogue knew he would have to think on his feet; no easy task when anchored to a kingsize divan. "Okay, laydeez. Keep your pistols in your pockets and let's talk business. Will you take an IOU?"
   Andy-mandy stepped forward (at 6'2" he was the tallest rent runner that Rogue had come across). "Sorry honeybunch, but we don't do IOU's. Besides, your biro's red and your pencil out of led."
   "How about a cheque?" enquired Rogue, clutching at straws and drawing shorts.
   "We'll take a cheek, maybe two. No hard feelings."
   "That's easy for you to say," replied Rogue and wriggled against his bonds. The noise of frilly lace underwear hitting the floor was deafening. 





IS THIS THE END FOR ROGUE?  Find out in Part 2 - "Coming Soon".  
   

Reviews

Written by Emmuttmax (112 comments posted) 14th May 2008
Excellent pacing.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3141 comments posted) 14th May 2008
Really enjoyed this. It felt like a clever pastiche of someone but I'm not sure who; anyway it was very funny in it's own right. 
Some great lines here and some fine made up words too. I'll bet there was lot of red on the screen before you posted up. 
cheers 
 

Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 14th May 2008
Enjoyed too.  
 
You seem to be developing a liking for comedy buggery. I noticed someone recommended Norman the calculating ferret to you (excellent piece by the way - you might also look up Ready Steady Bugger - by Givitsum - I think. 
 
Good stuff. 
 
Phil

Written by Mr_E_Writer (131 comments posted) 15th May 2008
Dear Emmu. 
A well paced review, pardner. 
 
Eric.

Written by Mr_E_Writer (131 comments posted) 15th May 2008
Dear Bottleblondesurfer, I am pleased that you really enjoyed this. 
 
Eric.

Written by Mr_E_Writer (131 comments posted) 15th May 2008
Phil, comedy buggery? Wishful thinking on your part, perhaps?? 
How do I look up other peoples work??? 
 
Wishes, 
Eric.

Written by TwistedTales (454 comments posted) 15th May 2008
"The noise of frilly lace underwear hitting the floor was deafening" - hilarious - can't wait to read part 2  
 
Regards, 
TT 
 
P.S. Run a search with that person's name. Go to one of his/her pieces, click on the name and it will take you to a page with a complete list of his/her works. 

Written by Mr_E_Writer (131 comments posted) 16th May 2008
TT, thanks for the search info. 
 
Glad you're enjoying my twisted tale, for something that started life as a ramble it seems to be going down quite well. Perhaps I should rename it Riverboat Ramble. 
 
Ta and Cheerio, 
 
Eric
Hey E_Writer
Written by Goddess (122 comments posted) 7th June 2008
I liked this piece and I look forward to seeing how it progresses! I liked the use of accents. It'll be amusing to see how Rogue gets out of that one. 
 
One little niggle - 
 
'With no guns (an no mung'...etc - Probably should be 'and no mung' I think. I think that's just a typo though. 
 
 
Thanks for the read. 
 
 
Goddess x

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