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Poetry
**MIST**RAIN**SHINE**RAINBOW**
By Daphnerules
14 May 2008
This poem may seem dull to begin with but you can see the weather.....

Dull, dark, slow to be seen
Drifing across the graveyards deep,
While the bones lay dead and asleep.
Silet but deadly it prowls about,
Hanging low, the only way to go.
Old, slither, some.
The mist over here has just begun.

Pouring, hammering, rage of hoofs
To many drops to count,
Spitting, snarling, hammeing down.
Giving new life to all around.
Dry to new, modern turns old,
Slam, pitter, pat
The rain, from shelter needs hads been sat.

Golden, glinting, glisten
Makes the dew look new and refreshed
Swealtering hot, under this spot, the tree give cover
Meling, roasting, hot
The sun like a flame, the flame is to us.

Nevertheless these may be great,
But the most marvel of all is still to wait.
Coming through, great and strong,
Bold, outragous, new
The rainbow to new to you
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Bright blue to match her eyes
Indigo
Violet

Boldy striped, striked across the sky
The Life of the weather will never never die.

Reviews
please
Written by Daphnerules (28 comments posted) 19th May 2008
hello guys :grin  
please review my work or post me a comment 
 
please review it 
;)  
Thanks, cheers Daphne x

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 19th May 2008
I thought the concept was a good one, dedicating a verse to different weather conditions. For the most part it worked.I particularly like the onomatopoeic line in the verses. My favourites were 'rain' and 'shine'. 
 
I think you could have used stronger imagery to make it more vivid; to make us feel we are out in it.  
There were a couple of lines I didn't understand. 
 
The rainbow to new to you 
The rain, from shelter needs hads been sat. 
 
Also a few typos.  
A good idea which would benefit from a re-write 
 
BTW if you want to be reviewed, you need to get involved in the site and do some reviewing. We all like to get reactions 
cheers 
jane

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