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Poetry
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Shooting Stars
By Steve_K
15 May 2008

I know that you

Woman I am yet to love 

Breathes beneath this moon

This night


The shooting stars

Shoot awkward paths

That will never cross

Paths soaked in dubious delight


The wind soft and serendipitous

Moves around me snake like

And the stars glisten

As I travel through this night


Reviews

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 14th May 2008
Ah, beautiful. Loved the 1st stanza. A woman you are yet to love, connected by the same air under the moon. Poignant. Strangely romantic. 2nd stanza seemed to suggest they will never meet, like the shooting stars? That was sad. Last stanza was very serene, and calming as if trapped in a magical space... Enjoyed. 
Mia ;)
Oh yes!
Written by Katanga (1554 comments posted) 15th May 2008
I agree with Mia - fantastic! You manage to get that lovely word 'serendipitous' in there without it sounding forced or pretentious. Tricky, but you've succeeded IMHO. 
 
One niggly suggestion: 
 
First word, third line. I think 'Breathes' should be 'Breathe' without the 's', since 'you' is surely the subject, not 'woman'? 
 
What do you think? 
 
Cheers! 
 
John
Hope
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 15th May 2008
I found this piece full of hope; yes you might not meet but your soulmate is out there somewhere beneath the same sky, lovely! I also enjoyed reading all the s sounds, gave it an air of magic, resonant of a sigh... 
 
L x

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