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Zander the Sandfly - a minibeast |
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By John_O
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15 May 2008 |
You guys seem to be having fun with your minibeasts so I hope you don't mind someone else getting in on the act.
Here is a little piece inspired by my holiday in New Zealand where the
sandfly is like the Scottish midge - a devilish little bloodsucker.
John_O
Hi Zander the sandfly. That’s my name.
Looking for a little blood. That’s my game.
I haunt the pretty places of south En Zee.
A local or a tourist, it doesn’t bother me.
My mouth is small, but my teeth are sharp.
My victims want me dead, playing on my harp.
But I don’t see what raises their ire.
‘cause I ‘m just a little fly vampire.
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Written by Josie (2500 comments posted) 15th May 2008 | | Why does Zander the sandfly want human blood? Is it the male or female who takes the blood and is it only human blood they want? I like the last line but I don't think younger children would understand about a sandfly playing a harp. I think perhaps the second and third line need a little change in the last verse because raising their ire would not be clear either. Just a little adjustment to make a good poem John. Glad that you have joined us. | Welcome!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 15th May 2008 | Hello John_O!
Good to have another minibeast writer!
But . . . sorry, the rhythm just doesn't work - try reading it aloud. And as Josie implies above, it's all too obscure . . .
Nice try - but I recommend a lot of children's book poetry reading + Stephen Fry's 'The Ode Less Travelled' before you try serious children's poetry.
Children are more critical than adults!
Cheers!
Katanga |
Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 15th May 2008 | I quite like it. The flying vampire bit was really good! But do sandflies have teeth? Children probably would take it literally. Now I'm having visions of a fly with big toothy mouth grinning at me.
Mia  | A little blood on the carpet....
Written by John_O (138 comments posted) 16th May 2008 | Hi there
yes you are right the rhyming is off, but I rather rushed getting ist down on 'paper', a cardinal sin but the idea just begged to be posted!
On the obscure nature of certain parts, yes, playing on a harp would not necessarily be picked up by a small child but they would then ask 'why would it play on a harp ?' and the reference is clarified. Its my scientist side coming out to play.
In answer to your question Mia, they don't have teeth as we do, but very sharp mandibles that slice through skin very easily, so teeth is a bit of artistic licence on my part. This takes me to your point Josie, it isn't necessarily human blood a sandfly sucks but on the west coast of NZ (En Zee if you'll pardon the Americanism) they certainly like a bit of tourist blood for variety!
I shall revisit the last lines, but I have to admit I rather like the ire/vampire even if it is 'flying above' the intended audiences vocabulary level.
As always, thank you for taking the time to give me feedback, I'll try to improve.
John_O |
Written by Josie (2500 comments posted) 16th May 2008 | | I've been looking this up. It is only the females which do this, the same as mosquitoes. They do it to help their eggs, and it is not just humans but animals too. Look at my Asia Tiger Mosquite poem - it seems the sandfly is a similar creature. Let me know what you think? I think, if you look it up, the sandfly has different funhy names (which children might like to know of) and it exists not just in New Zealand. You could write a children's poem in which the sandfly had a good drink of human blood, but the blood (perhaps) had cold germs, and he couldn't stop sneezing. I think I would make this creature pay for his evil ways. ha ha. Anything I don't like pays for it dearly - as with the poor slugs and snails. A sticky end for them all is my answer! | Sandfly, Mosquito, little biters all
Written by John_O (138 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | Hi Josie
yep the little brutes suck your blood to make the next generation of micro vampires! But as far as I know they don't carry any nasty diseases - unlike mosquitos. Back in the middle ages mosquitos in Britain carried malaria, known as the ague, and made many low lying marshy areas no go zones. With global climate change we may face a similar situation again, not a nice thought.
As for getting back at the little beasts I'm afraid you having a cold isn't likely to do much to them. The cold virus is adapted to mankind and will either fail to infect the mosquito or infect but not give them a cold (I don't think the mosquito has a full immune system like us). No the only answer is a good slap, splat and they're history.
Still, food for thought for additional verses, thanks Josie
John_O |
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