Woss: Good evening. On tonights show it gives me gwate pweasure to intwoduce
           the world fwamous doublewact 'The Two Shorwt Pwanks'.

Plank 1: Hello, Jonathan. It is a pleasure to be here.

Plank 2: Yes indeed, an honour.

Woss: Sow, have you walways bween...
 
Plank 1: Before we get started, can I just say that I object quite strongly to being
             referrred to as short. I'm 6'3" for Chris Tarrant's sake.

Plank 2: Whilst I pride myself on my eloquence. I've never been short with anyone.

Woss: Wight! Sow, have you walways bween a dwuble wact?

Plank 2: Yes.

Woss: That woz shorwt!!

Plank 2: Succinct, possibly. But short? I think not.

Woss: Returnin' to my qwestion, have you walways been a dwuble wact.

Plank 1: Yes. We grew up together in the same forest and wouldn't dream of going
             solo.

Woss: What abowt yaw pwans for the fwuture. Even pwanks at the wewy top of
           their game have to consider the pwossibility of the bwubble bursting.

Plank 2: Oh, I've always had a dream of retiring back to the country and raising a
             box of matches.
Plank 1: My wife likes the idea of twins. Either matching chair legs or a nest of
             tables.

Woss: Well that's all wewy interwesting, but it wouldn't be the Woss show withowt
          a few sexuwall winnuwendows. So, 'Two Short Planks', two short planks made
          of wood. You're aware that a woody is a slang term fwor an ewection!

Plank 1: That is a plankist remark and I object to it, vehemently.

Woss: It's my show an if you don't like it you can..

Plank 2: Now who's being short?

Woss: OH PWISS WOFF.

Plank 1: And they have the nerve to call us thick!!!




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