This is a rare escape from the children's section - they might love it though? Ho!
Josie!? Help!
Actually it's 100% true - my ex-wife's mother's boyfriend was a mortuary attendant, and he revelled in this sort of thing.
I put it in verse to try and show how ludicrous we all are . . . and how noble. (or something like that - Ha!)
"Cast a cold eye on Life, on Death. Horseman, pass by"
The inscription on W.B. Yeats' tombstone - Whooooooer!
Cheers!
T
The Song of a Mortuary Security Guard
You might expect a morgue
To be full of dead bodies
And silence
But you’d be wrong
For the air is strong
With the stench of escaping gases
That come from the rears
Of departed old dears
And younger lads and lasses
You see the pressure builds up
And up and up
As the wind expands in their tummies
It’s nothing new
They farted too
Did the Ancient Egyptian mummies
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Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
This is news to me, and I have read all Patricia Cornwall novels, where the main character works in a morgue! I'm not sure if I should be spooked or amazed??? I don't want to be morbid, but aren't the bodies kept in refrigerators that would hold back the decaying process?
Mia  |
Spooked and Amazed!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Hi Mia - no harm in being both!
I must say I haven't researched this topic thoroughly - not really inclined to! Ha!
I think it varies from place to place, but certainly at some stage in the 'process', bodies are laid out communally on tables (with only a thin sheet for modesty) - about 15 or so, in a lightly chilled room (sounds like a Chardonnay?!).
The decaying process is slowed down but doesn't stop entirely - hence the build up of wind pressure!
I expect celebrities get individual fridges? But there aren't enough to go round for us plebs, mere mortals- Ha!
It's a bit like school dormitories - only the seniors get their own private rooms.
Hope this helps?
Ha! Ha!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (131 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Well, factual or not, I found this funny.
Eric. |
I can shed some light!
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
This is true - I did my fifteen-year-old work experience in a mortuary, helping with embalming etc, maybe a bit morbid but fascinating! The gas does build up in the bodies and has to escape - I was told this is called the death rattle, spooky! It can apparently come out of any orifice! My supervisor's name was Lyn, this name being only one syllable she constantly thought the bodies were saying her name! And it stinks too.
L x |
Written by Josie (2500 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
| Goodness me! At least we get one time in a lifetime when we can do it and not have to apologize! ha ha Imagine it happening in the middle of a funeral service? Heaven forbid! This is a bit of a change to your mini-beast poems John. It's good to have a break! I don't mind at all. I'm also having a break. |
Authentication!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Gosh - thank you Shirley for 'authenticating' me, if you see what you mean!
If it wasn't true, it would be puerile nonsense - I think it's something that A. not many people know. and B. most people, understandably, would prefer not to think about!
And gosh again - the powers that be gave you that job for 'work experience' at thye tender age of 15?! Now that is truly amazing and more horrifying than the wind-breaking stuff.
Poor you - but I'm glad you found it interesting. Must have 'toughened you up' for adult life, and death, as it were!
Josie - thank you as well! I love your wit - 'and not have to apologise' Ha! Ha!
Do you know, I feel a poem coming on the same theme, about a very 'proper' lady, who had never burped, let alone broken wind in public in her entire life, with a 'pathetic and bathetic' last line, something like 'And she couldn't even apologise' or 'She would have apologised, but . . .' Ha!
Cheers!
John |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Enjoyed this, John. It's actually quite heartening to know that at least we can continue to enjoy some of the things we used to do when alive after we've shuffled off.
More tea vicar?
No, but I'll have a bit more of that cake.
Phil |
Thanks Phil!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Gosh you do a lot of reviewing! And I've really enjoyed your own work.
Coincidence? Please se my effort 'A Man of the Cloth' in the 'For Kids' section.
It begins with your very own words 'More tea, Vicar?'
In fact I think it must have been a previous review of yours that set me off - in fact, now I come to think of it, I'm SURE it was!
Yo! Ho!
Cheers!
John |
Written by mr_soul (80 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
| Haha, this made me laugh. A funny subject, I must say I didn't expect this topic but I thought it was fascinating lol. Brilliant poem though, I thought it was very well written |
Ah, my Soul!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 17th May 2008 |
Hello Mr Soul!
Many thanks for your comments above - I confess that if ever someone uses the word 'brilliant' without a 'not' attached, it makes my heart and soul sing - jolly motivating! Thanks!
I remember your 'Bloody Tuesday' and all the comments it attracted. I shall seek out your other work.
Keep going! I'm oldish but you say you're young - wish I'd started earlier, for the sake of both our souls!
Sorry, I'm so puerile, I make jokes about 'our souls' wherever I can.
e.g. Did you know that according to some ancient legend, Cranes (as in 'birds') were said to carry our souls up to Heaven? I weep!
Streuth!
Respect!
Cheers!
John |
Katanga
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 18th May 2008 |
The work experience was in the office of a local undertakers... but business was slow... so they let me help with the embalming... strange things happen to me quite often, I seem to attract weird 
L x |
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