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For Children
The Harvest Mouse - Poem
By 1211kellie
17 May 2008
A Poem about a harvest mouse at harvest time aimed at children or possibly older.

Mouse


.

A harvest mouse way up high in a field of golden rye.

 

Distantly he heard a noise and swiftly moved with graceful poise.

 

The ground did rumble, rattle and quiver as approaching fast it made him shiver.

 

Then came this giant with teeth of steel, it would not stop it puffed and squealed.

 

Lashing wildly and spewing grains, the poppies bowed their heads in vain.

 

Gyrating relentlessly all day through it devoured the crops till night ensued.

 

With peace restored that russet mouse once more came to find his house.

 

But sad to say could not be found just an expanse of barren ground.




Copyright 2008 

Reviews

Written by Josie (2854 comments posted) 17th May 2008
Hello Kellie and welcome to GW. I have to tell you that, in my opinion which is formed by regular contact with children, you need to get some iambic feet into your poem. (If you Google: Iambic feet you can see what I mean). It is not difficult but so important. Look at any of my poems on GW and you should see a rhythm. You have a lovely story. If you find that rhyming and rhythmic poetry is too difficult, why not make this into a lovely little story for children. It is just the right length for smaller children. I hope this helps you.
language
Written by katejayne (18 comments posted) 19th May 2008
Mayeb some of the language is a little complex for young children to understand?

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