Has anyone else ever noticed the BBC's optimistic approach to weather forecasting?

When other forms of media are forecasting floods, hail, rain and doom, the BBC insists on taking the line that all is right with the World (or at least the English bit of it). I have been watching the difference in forecasts for some time and I think I have figured out how the BBC's system works.

So for those newly arrived in the UK I hereby offer an interpretation of the BBC's weather forecasts.

Speed (MpH)
Description (Beaufort)
Description (BBC)

0 - 1
Calm - smoke rises vertically.

God, but England's a beautiful country isn't it.

1 - 3
Light air - Direction of wind shown by smoke drift, but not by wind vanes

Summers that stretch on and on for ever you know.

4 - 7
Light Breeze - Wind felt on face; leaves rustle; ordinary vanes moved by wind.

Just like the summer of '40 this. Back when our fly boys were giving the Jerry's a bloody nose.

8 - 12
Gentle Breeze - Leaves and small twigs in constant motion; wind extends light flag.

‘Rule Britannia...'

13 - 18
Moderate Breeze - Raises dust and loose paper; small branches are moved.

Don't forget those burn times when you're outside today

19 - 24
Fresh Breeze - Small trees in leaf begin to sway; crested wavelets form on inland waters

Gentle breeze (lovely with all this sunshine we are enjoying)

25 - 31
Strong Breeze - Large branches in motion; whistling heard in telegraph wires; umbrellas used with difficulty.

Absolutely no point in taking an umbrella with you today

32 - 38
Near Gale - Whole trees in motion; inconvenience felt when walking against the wind.

Perfect weekend for a BBQ.

39 - 46
Gale - Breaks twigs off trees; wind generally impedes progress.

Good day to take the kids and Grandma to the beach.

47 - 54
Severe Gale - Slight structural damage occurs (chimney-pots and slates removed).

Ideal weather for working on the roof.

55 - 63
Storm - Trees uprooted; considerable structural damage occurs.

Now's the weekend to get stuck into the gardening.

64 - 72
Violent Storm - Accompanied by wide spread damage.

Possible showers.

73 - 83
Hurricane - Air is filled with foam spray; sea completely white, driving spray; visibility seriously affected.

Ever considered taking up sailing?

The thing is, this sort of thing makes me wonder what the BBC response to larger things than the weather would be (not that there is any topic larger than the weather in the UK).

What, for example, would they make of the end of the World?

The latest forecast shows large outbreaks of fire and brimstone in the North of the country; so that should make temperatures pleasantly higher than usual for Scotland at this time of year. Fast-moving bands of plague have been reported over Wales; however as it is not a bank holiday it is unlikely that anyone will be going there anyway. In the South meteorologists say that we can expect to see a great deal of famine and pestilence; which they predict will reduce traffic congestion on the M25. Meanwhile the East can expect sporadic outbreaks of war with a possible spattering of isolated Messiahs. Otherwise fine.