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By Oops
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27 November 2005 |
As I stand alone and watch Your all around them protecting them from harm Their Guardian Angel Sword blazing light Fighting against their demons Never wavering as another joins the fight With cat like grace You move with the confidence of a dancer Easily slaying those soul destroyers |
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 28th December 2005 | this sounds like a hero protecting shildren from the ghosts of nightmares, it's satisfying to read, but there's one thing, and i'm not sure if it's intentional or not: lack of punctuation.
It's something i get grief for alot, and i often do it intentionally, but sometimes i forget about it, so i just thought i'd make you aware!
hope this helps
clo |
Written by Chaos (14 comments posted) 22nd January 2006 | 1. You're, not your
2. Comma after "You're all around them" line 2?
3. line 4 - "Sword (,) blazing light"
4. Cat-like, not cat like
in other words, a bit frystrated by lack of punctuation, ditto to last review.
Anyway... metaphor of the "Silent Warrior" as a dancer is a powerful one... I like the way you used that imagery. The last line, however, loses the quality of grace about it - it goes from an angelic, light-emitting dancer guardian to a seemingly pompous and arrogant statement: Easily slaying those soul destroyers. You might want to reconsider that last line.
Regardless, good ideas, good imagery. I'd like to see more. |
Written by Oops (11 comments posted) 22nd January 2006 |  You know I never even notice the punctuation...I tend to just write how it forms in my head so it generally doesn't translate down on to paper very well!
and im not very good at english so that dont help 
thanx anyways |
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